Annihilation

I was trying to absolve myself of my decadences. Lost pilgrims wandering gaslamp seas, seeking visions of blessedness. From the void rises Being; from the void, creature of annihilating beauty, you resurrected me. Above all else, I wanted to escape my life. Were you also on another shore, wanting to escape yours? I am stitched in this timeless Hell of late eternity. For Earth’s starved gardens, God gathers rains, lilac wings of hyacinths, snowdrops growing from their corpse prisons. From roads of famine and bone-white snowfields to blooming spring. Night amnesias in the winds of jacaranda and star jasmine. The wounds of winter are closing for a miracle spring.

I cherish my captivity; still, there are lives to be lived. In bruised dusk I remember what I became, I remember what I am again. Seasons in the fires of the west, in the black harbors of the marina. Promise me these are seasons of scarring before rebirth. The dark addresses me. Promise me a renewed earth. You had the vanishing fragility of dayspring. You stand amidst LA’s roadside firmament in the failing light of dawn and the stars of streetlamps and still you seem a god to me. We live like revenants in wasted places. Even the oil fields are like Byzantium of blackwaters, mining black gold in this time of violence. The nightingales ascend to elegant flames. Grief is my safekeeping, grief is my defiance. What worship can resurrect me? Annihilation has its mercies. In your gaze I awaken again.

Dawn-dark-dawn-dark-dawn-dark. The carnage of days. I demand you desire me. I demand you annihilate me. It’s what I always wanted, the pomegranate of dark Edens. The hidden winter stars slumber in their furnace. Fire from a flint stone I am alive again. City of fictions, in the black expanse of volcanic obsidian, I dream of your mysteries, eyes of oblivion, like moths to matches, I seek dissolution from eros the winged one. Spring wisteria twilight your clarity is a catastrophe I cannot survive. The verdant sinews of the wild live in my veins.