Fracturing

Every neighborhood of Los Angeles feels like a different world. It's not a city—it's a universe of cities. Wanderer above a sea of flames, I called the dark Madonna and the dark Madonna came. I wanted a deity to save me from the ceaseless churn of seasons. The grand departure. I disappear from life again. Will you wait for me in eternity? Will you escape with me in eternity?

In the ruins of Genesis, I witnessed: a fleet of fireflies blinking out of twilight, forests of telephone poles like crucifixes, birds burning in oil fields, galaxies of aster burning with white fires, asps sneaking across temples in the greed of summer evenings, dark gods throttling lost souls. I miss the loneliness of November moons. Madonna of the gorge, where did our lives go? And so soon?

The grace of beauty will betray you. I arrived in this life like a deer in the headlights, a fragile flesh being carried by the singing night winds to oblivion. The fracturing! The fracturing! You were a dream that briefly happened to me. This is your wandering darkness, Cain. Stigmata on your palms. I called the dark Madonna and the dark Madonna awakened. Names are binding. Welcome to the wilderness. I was transfixed by whirlpools of lavish light, by whispering sirens calling me to a lush afterlife where desire dies. The exhilaration! of everything!

I bloom in god’s abandonment like cosmos in the parking lots. The great and terrible beauty of urban decay, sinking in the litter of Saturnine night, in the entrails of evening light, I survive, I survive, suspended in the silence. I witnessed ghosts in seas of fog tottering outside the beacons of neon gas stations. The rhapsody of the world beyond, promising to obliterate memory. Desire is annihilation—the holy mausoleum. Tethered to this terror Earth but I want to be stranded. Argonaut of a black abyss, I dream of distant planets. With the impossible blindness of Oedipus, I chase death.

Instrumentum dei, desire burned like defiance of the void in me. Divine desperation. Desire made me a restless thing. Seeking zenith after zenith in the parasitic cities. The violence! of desire! Carnage in the meadows from starving beasts. I have been distilled to perfection. By desire I am resurrected. Chaos reveals me, a wanting Being sinking into sweet Lethe, with the masquerade of starving beasts seeking oblivions. I witnessed the deluge, moths drowning in their porchlight tombs. Sleepless, the abandoned earth shrieks. Resurrection of the flesh I do not forgive and I do not forget. The beauty and the brutality in the theater of the abyss. Hunters roam deserted streets seeking fragile Beings. I enter vivid reveries beneath the lamplights— in rivers of electric fire — with the silence of Eurydice. Madonna of the forsaken, I surrendered to tempting infinites in the magisterium cities. Your divine voice wounds me. Dreams in the vespers. Even these western fires eventually blink to extinction. God, promise me a new prison. 

Flight is always a fracturing. The wasting! of a wild and fragile life! Back in the battleground again. I witnessed the blades of Belladonna vortexing in wild winds. In a miasma of cities. Through the blackness of Babylon. Daylight rises on the wine-dark swell of seas. The fear of fracturing: I am nestled deep in daylight’s tragedies. I witnessed the stillbirth of Being in wild horizons. Scars on my palms like stigmata from ancient days. Whales beached on the sacred altar of shores. Starlight raining on coal countries. Eternity, this fever dream I was witnessing. In the beginning was flight. In the beginning was desire. The carcass stars speak of disaster. Climbing the vines of Heaven, I am fire’s origins again. Behold the drowning sorrows, behold your watery ends, a vivisection by violent tides. The decoy gods come to the sundown worlds. In the beginning was desire. Listen to the breathing universe. The carcass stars speak of disaster, and I am forsaken again. I march into the seas. The beauty of breakdowns: I transform into a winged thing. In the beginning I was lightning.

Madonna, being of metamorphosis, I am captive to divine disaster. I surrendered speech. Death you do not annihilate you transform me. Embrace the void’s abundance it is a simulacrum of darkness embrace metamorphosis. Save me from this ruin of a life. The darkness is but a daydream. Beware delight. Beware desire. There are airliners in the ash skies. Angels in the minimarts and asphalt streets paved with apocalypse. A tableau of shadows, rising to meet me. The attraction! of annihilation! You devour me when you speak. Your silence is also a time of annihilation. Memory and desire on the midnight roads in silos of moonlight — a chapel of dark traffic— I am possessed by holy ghosts. This life is the simulacrum of a dream. THE SALVAGING OF THE SHADOWS. There are remains of ordinary stars in my cavernous throat. After silence, speech. In the beginning was the light. Child of stigmata in an island of stars, I am captive to a numinous Being. Transform into a winged thing. There. is. no. escaping. I am forsaken. This is the end (again).