I feared the floating world existence was a repository of treasuries I was trying to flee into daydreams like an exiled king I was in the realm of the angels and I feared it might kill me and I wished it would and I feared it was an annihilation I had sought and I witnessed the distances grow we were hallucinating the first betrayal besides there were other terrors Angels in America? I would have seen one the rails of trains were getting up under me and there was no reason we couldn't die like Anna Karenina by the trains to witness the devastation secondhand I lived again after reincarnation it was desire wasn’t it
Existence like a root in my throat that kept growing it was desire wasn't it our death was guaranteed and I panicked before that desire witnessed me in the newborn dawn and let me tell you I was gone! I was gone!
I had a habit of vanishing into time I was gone the brutality witnessed me as I was rooting it was sacrilege in sacred spaces who could survive the dynasties in the newborn dawn even I wanted me gone irisdescent it was desire wasn't it and I desired it stakeout in the Elysian peaks and I was avoiding it all silvered like the moons rival sinking in the glittering grief seas of existence and the thunder said don't be in agony while the summer still dreams but it was a surplus of summer a colonnade of clouds like the black gulfs of Babylon the hanging trees of heaven wanted me gone in the gallows of darkness and I wanted to return to the shining hills existence lived in my arteries the singing of sirens I wanted to die in a chyralis oh god! It was existence wasn't it and I desired it would kill me it was chaos and I stand in it
The miracles were lynching me like a Wolf in a Chalice the holy grail polluted by carrion and I carried on peacekeeping yes I panicked the haunting of me year by year chrysalis the miracles were lynching me the violence of lightning transfiguring into fire I lived on primordial time I swore off allegiance to the flesh but that sublime violence remembered us the apocalypse in my throat and I chose it dream-catcher hanging in the gallows trees with that Reverend night beast with its jaws the world in border fires ran scarlet in the night like a beast with its jaws gravitating to devastation year after year and I wanted— like the gold of God the apocrypha from the seas of consumptive june consumed by june a cyclops hungering for me lost in the Hollywood Hills it killed me it killed me a valley of beasts baring darkness with its emanations the singing of sirens I wanted to die in a chyralis oh god!
It was desire wasn't it desire like annihilation Promethean fire like a burning bush beneath the Mountain of God I AM WHO I AM it was desire that had become a mountain to me like a sacred vestment an abundance become waste I went to the wastelands like an altar for a past me I feared it would kill me and that I wanted it too it was desire wasn't it lifting me into the colonnade of clouds like the shrine of a virgin that birthed the universe celestial poles like Colossus forming the boundaries of the universe and I panicked I sacrificed reason it was desire as an execution and I reasoned it that if it listened it could have my existence and it did and I surrendered the illuminations it was desire like an execution that I couldn't speak of it released me into the newborn dawn the singing of sirens I wanted to die in a chyralis oh god!