“Coherence is mutilation. I want disorder,” Clarice Lispector

I was in the Confusion and through with it
We were dandelions drifting through winds
and I witnessed origins as ends—
Like lambs lost in bladed marsh meadows
I dreamt the devastation lions were behind us
Desire was ruination, stars arrayed in black sea graves
Ungovernable usurper of breathing heaven
I was an apprentice of light before descending into desire
Ravished by delight's radiant wings
Epochs of undoing, the liminal night horizons were moving towards me
Settlements of vermillion fire in night cities liquidated into light
Fire-scripture written by discarded deities
The testimonies! of breathing Heaven!
Incomprehensible as the origins of life
Madonna of the sacred absences
Being was the achievement of light
I was the shadow cast by clawing dark
We were storm-wracked like winter night ships
Sepia twilight dissipated in the mist
Immovable as the lodestone of the Artifact Universe
Foucault’s pendulum in the wellsprings of light
Desire burned like devastation in me
If it was the origin of life, why did it feel like dying?
Eunuch of the burning bush
Heaven’s creatures steered to the hungering abyss
and I tried to forget—
and I witnessed-
Beasts roaming gilded glass seas
Will-o’-the-wisps haunting marshes of ribcaged darkness
Rib-cage Genesis, we were possessed
Sepia twilight dissipated into mist
I was an artifact of the light
Transfiguring tragedy into triumph
Shivering firelight married heaven and earth
What a beckoning doom—
The Confusion
I was on the brink of night-ridged dreams
It was desire like an invitation to undoing
The highest form of love is longing
And I wanted you haunting me
Desire was ruination
Charon of the clarion nightfall, ferrying abysses
Wasting days in the dark wellsprings of dreams
I witnessed—