The beatitudes

My most pathological trait is my fear of fulfillment. I would be a different person if not starving with want. I felt like I was caressed by a fleeting dream. Desire, desire, I screamed! I don’t believe I deserve to be fulfilled: I deserve to desire. You who cast me into the farthest darkness before dawn, hang me on the stars’ scarlet altars to have my blood drawn. Desire, I sink my teeth into you like a flesh empyrean. Every evening leaves violent vermillion horizons. The darkness has many appetites. Won’t you nail me to the light? Devour me oh beloved. Devour me I beg. You are the shroud over my wounds you are the goodness I bow to. Tourniquet about my throat. I made descent down a dark mountain of time. Desire opened a vein in me in the nights, desire made me bleed into the wild evenings. Welcome to the slaughterhouses. The brutality! Of being! Make me your wreckage. I fear that I am condemned to receive everyone but you. I refuse to be subsumed. Come once more summer with your burning beatitudes. I consumed like I was your god devouring you.

Desire burns its sigils in my fingertips. The beatitudes!
I drink daylight in the golden noose noons—I do not move 
but beloved where truly are you rushing to?
I confess: I burned with yearning in the carcass darkness
Caress me oh desire I’m Eve starving with need at your knees
Griefs kneeling like me at your feet, I sink in your singularities 
Who wants a vacant paradise? I’m a star carcass on the dark atlas
You earned my wrath, there's a blade at my neck that I can't forget 
Jewelled Jezebel, I starved after abundance
The beatitudes! I am your riven bride, desire
How can I escape you? I am your monster and mirror
Where the wounds goes it grows. to bloom blood I swallow horned roses
I’m your jeweled gypsy, collapse in mortal anguish against me
God of the wilderness, do not deliver me 
Fire rising in my singed fingertips, I witnessed the infinite
My fragile flesh had your many names carved into it
The beatitudes! Desire burned its brutal anguish in me
Shackled to the stars graves like I was a captive bride of desire
In the moonrise mourn with me—Desire! desire! I grieved and I grieved my need
I need you like a needle of Lethe to my neck. I must forget. I must forget.

SUNSET BRING YOUR BURNING BEATITUDES
I CONSUMED LIKE I WAS YOUR GOD DEVOURING YOU

I was a bride in rebellion before I surrendered to desire again
My forbidden deity I did your bidding
It was as if I wanted captivity
Desire burned its brutalities in me
Like Madonna my mouth was full of moths
Oh I devoured like I was your genesis god

I leave like a slave down dark mountains. Everything is destiny if I let it happen to me. Leviathans of stars in the dark Vitruvian seas: the adamantine galaxies witnessed me in ecstasy. Desire burned its devastation of flames in me. The nights were like diamonds in kimberlite rifts. Dark paradise, you exalt me. I witnessed serpents yearning in shivering starlight like beggars of Babylon. Every dream deifies me. The Darkness was Nazarene. When you named me it was like the devil had maimed me. Men! At my neck again! I journeyed through gossamer years. Desire, desire, I screamed! The weeping earth said dream and I dream — of annihilation.

Sacrifice me virgin sunrise. I go to you as a sleepwalker to suicide. Desire! On the day of exultant execution in Gilead. In salted soils I was sown and sired. Carthage has fallen. Now I will make you die from desire. Every daydream deifies me. The Darkness was Nazarene. I was sure I was righteous with you wrapped like a tourniquet around my throat in the twilight. Desire, I sink my teeth into you like a flesh empyrean. The great commandments, I listen to the shrieks of the shackled in the evenings; I raise my eyes to witness ruin; I walk carrion roads like a prophet of rot. The beatitudes! Desire burned its devastations in me. I cannot survive my fertile griefs. Let me sleep in the silence at your feet. Bury me bright sunrise. Bury me, let me die for desire.

I awaken again in the dead lands as an altar lamb 
Oh bear me to bright Bethlehem 
I want to be born again 
Madonna mother of moths
I walked the carrion roads like I was a simulacrum god 
We Partake in the share of snakes 
Desire I am your daughter, won't you devour me 
Your Adamantine galaxies regarded me in ecstasy 
Desire burned its anguish in me
Desire! I screamed and screamed
I was your hazard daughter 
Oh I was seized by the grandest delight
Like lightning striking me in the midnights 
As if I was your enslaved bride desire 
I was still choking in summer smoke along the carrion roads I chose 
Again I awaken in the dead lands as an altar lamb 
Oh bear me to your warm arms again