Totality

Chiasmus it was my whirling universe in reverse desire burned like devastation me Desire burned a wasteland of me Desire burned like decadence in the days to me

The fear that I only loved my writing. That was the impossible totality, the horror above all horrors, resurrecting every sunrise. I knew it was important for my writing that I always be yearning, that I never be fulfilled.

Like a blade at my fragile neck
You slipped from my fingertips
beneath your flesh
Radiance and ruin
Burning horizons I am your awaited chaos 
I am your apocalypse 
anguish of the void 
yes the flesh revolts in apocalypse— 
Madonna of the sorrows, Martyr of ash and marrow
They said flesh was apocalypse
But I was taught this fragile dawning decadence
Calypso of the half-moons
I too was in severance
I was fragmented dawn and its decadence
First light at the horizon
The screaming earth at its birth origins
I was this fragile dawn’s decadence
Liquidated at the horizons
Madonna the Alchemist of Sunlight
you survived on the skylines
Desire the ice continent
The whirlwind witnessed me 
Fragments of a daydream
Lambs running through fields of lingering twilight 
Before dawn’s disappearance  
I rehearsed the darkness as it daydreamed 
What a decadence to daydream 
I was a dead thing 
I was dreaming decadence
My religion was the whirlwind 
Like the nectar of daylight I survived unraveling into light
We wandered into a daydream 
Dawn this decadence I dreamed
Dissolution from the floating moons 
Dawn this dark decadence was leaving me
We made requiems for the sunlight 
Fragments of a daydream this life 
Wandering like drifting dark dandelions 
I was breaking dawn’s decadence burning with sunrise 
Dissolution with the summer moons 
We were rising in the afternoons like fragments of jeweled sunlight 
I rehearsed the dreaming darkness
Unbelievably I was that decadence 
I rehearsed the creations of darkness 
What a daydream to attend 
Unbelievably I was that decadence
In the beginning god made the fragile oblivions 
Desire like the dark rivers of Orpheus 
I was the last dream of darkness
Survive the nighttimes
Calypso of the twilights 
my religion was the whirlwind