I was always afraid people would figure out that I’m pathetic, but, problematically, I am pathetic. I built up a false ego: that is how you become an artist. Sometimes I cannot believe the things that I did instead of going to therapy. I hated that I wanted to impress the gods more than I wanted to impress men. I’m a writer—-why would I be tame in decaying?
It was romantic to bleed flesh and leave your wounds in ribbons I was decaying like an afternoon in exquisite sentences with the same chant about the universe not listening to me it was euphoria to me that the winged world was desiring me the luminosity sentenced me by dying soon I was summoning eternity it was a blooming flower of desire-death eternity and I couldn’t get enough there were so many epochs I wish I could forget I was drunk on dreams it was euphoria to me that the winged world was disintegrating I revolved into cycles of dying it was like a deity was afraid of me I sawed the eyelids of Eternity it was desire to me! desire kept me lavishing! the winged world was accelerating towards a forsaken me you were luminous and light luminous like light prophecy of my desire midnight you were far more beautiful than me that killed me! that killed me! Dare I say I grieved through the silver nights like sickles at my ilium or a reaper in my iris midnight the luminosity sentenced me it was desire wasn’t it? I desired that it would kill me
IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT
I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD KILL ME
DESIRE LIKE A DESTINY THAT CHOKED GOLDEN ME EVERY MORNING I WOKE THE BREATH OF LIFE CHOKED ME IT WAS DESIRE AND I YES I FEAR IT WAS A GOLDEN YEAR HESITATING LIKE A SUICIDE AT THE PRECIPICE IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT I WOKE TO A CONFLAGRATION OF LIGHT STRANGLING ME IN DELIGHT—
I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD KILL ME
It was desire that tumbled me and I pretended it was a grounding to earth it was desire that slept under me as some ancient wisdom the desire to despise myself like the eyes of God cowardly I desired a destiny that would control me freedom was a grief to needy me I was wanting I was in the light as God designed wishing the universes slept under me it was a resting place for contemplation the desire that swept us like a season of summerfire I wanted to burn with eternity even as a slave to that eternity of fire desire that devastated me into dreams I desired that the desire would kill me I was on my knees when that desire released me I was daydreaming into depletion a burial of light it was desire wasn’t it? I desired that it would kill me before the pain did it was our destiny to be a whisper in eternity that dream fire desire living inside me like a conflagration of light desire like a green garden of Babylon
Desire a fissure in my being the annihilations of suburban hells listened to luminous me recount my destinies like doors of the universe it was desire that I had allegiance to like a dream from your youth it was desire wasn’t it that killed my luminosity I became a blooming void of wanting desperation it was golden to me to disappear into a season of vanishings I wanted the fears to witness me sinking desire like an immortal that met me at night desire like a thief took the quiet from me and left me with wanting longing desire like a divinity to me
IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT
I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD KILL ME LIKE ETERNITY
It was betrayal to be sleeping through the tragedies like a beast and I didn’t care that Chaos was outside of us it was desire wasn’t it and I desired that it would kill me desire like the golden fleece ecstasy everything was golden to me like the golden touch of midas controlling the chaos it was a deferred doom that I had unleashed like a beast in the trees I was witnessing that doom come back to me
Desire a green garden of annihilation desire like an ak-47 shooting into the backyards of stars desire like a bomb into the graves it was victory just to desire in the summertime Desire confronting me it was bombardment like a war in my victory garden the luminosity sentenced me victories of fire it was the pain like lightning rising in me with the desire two blades into my ilium I haunted the hills with Time and its killed things I decayed into desire this summerfire sunken seasons of displacement I was a concubine of the wasteland in this fire nation desiring was American the sun was a star of fire that could consummate me I was a virgin before the celestial bodies raped me into eternity
The darkness resurrected me only to condemn me like a hammer I was day-drowning in the tempests of time I wore anguish like a veil it was a merciful illusion like the liturgy of an evening witnessing the golden ending of all things light in the spires of summerfire season it was impossible to imagine that anything wished to kill our delicate existences Desire like a haven a violence that was golden to me Desire like a weapon I wielded a gate to the witnessings the fragility slept under me I could hear the universe singing and execution was my price for listening I was a green garden of paradise that god walked in and you despaired for me we were in dream halls of desire the stars left their graveyards of darkness to fall for fallen me I was determined to become your dream I wanted you falling for me even if it took a universe of persuasion I would burn in a sundering of light to prove my devotion the outside world didn't matter it was background noise it was desire like lightning white as starlight that striked me into the distances desire like a lynching in my dreamscape fate was a roulette gun it was a sinister grace god gave to waste away the heavens wisdom
Desire uncontained like a brush fire it was magnificent to waste the gifts god gave smart enough to do dealings with me it was eternity I sold myself to like a slave in the marketplace I had no desire for you I desired a greater eternity the cosmos panicked witnessing my need for the infinities especially the ones that dreamed of me Desire like eternity it needed me to beg for release in the the highlands of Time eternity rendering me a finite thing worthy of comdemnation like I was a midnight steed of eternity when that devastation rose in me it was chaos in a control room to be desiring you and eternity
Yes I felt it rise in me
Desiring that eternal thing a release from that desire I feared the mirrors witnessing what I gave to the fragility for a moment I believed I could survive the fervencies of that infinite prison Time it was desire that shocked me into becoming electricity the potential difference of desire I desired that it would kill me I was begging on my knees like a slave of the devastation it was religious to witness my submission to that god of death desire it was desire that was gentle with me like a violent man on a bright day it was desire that decayed me like it was death the grim on his midnight shift I longed to be destroyed I knew it was a perverse joy it was electric to me to participate in my own devastation and say that was desire to me! I desired that ending!
It was apocalypse from an angel that mistook my false self as the real me that was sentencing me to eternity for desiring the Infinities like blooming roses in a victory garden it was American to embrace that eternal suffering desire like the plains of Iowa burning corn the burning of the world was a glow to me like fireflies in the blacklight desire that would light me through the centuries like a lamp I was hanging with by the crook of my body desire like a roadmap to the stars they were dreaming of our celestial bodies desire was golden to me it was the gold leash controlling me I desired the devastation to ponder me in bond age and find me a divine thing imprisoned in the eternities they would find me like a prisoner in the night fields of time they witnessed me into the dream pastures like a daydream that lasted in me I dreamt I was drinking the light from eternity like a chalice of wasted days I was fire allegiant like the ashes of a flaming thing I heard eternity echoing in my ribs it was desire wasn't it I desired that it would kill me the wonders of witnessing the devastations coursing like voltage in the power lines of our eternal cities I wanted a crown of thorns bleeding me to bone I wanted to make pain haunt golden me through eternity like a lover in the bedsheets dominance it saw us as fragile goods it was eternity the black summer waves that I slept in it was release to me to sleep in the eternities and dream of freer things
Desire like a fissure in my lungs when the annihilation listened to luminous me it was desire that I had allegiance to like a dream from your youth it was desire wasn’t it that killed my luminosity I became a void of wanting it was golden to me to disappear to a season of vanishing it was desire wasn’t it I desired that it would kill me the Drawbridge of evening was lowering into eternity the planets were a procession of pilgrims the Messiah of the milky moonlight lands savior of the star fields paradisal gardens were our inheritance
IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT
I DESIRED THAT INFINITY I DREAMT THE INFINITIES WOULD KILL ME I DESIRED THE WISDOM OF ETERNITY DORMING UNDER FINITE ME IT WAS A DESTINY THAT I DESIRED A PRECIPICE OF ETERNITY LIKE WALKING ON A WIRE TO ME I WAS GONNA LET IT FUNDRAISE FOR THE DEVILS I WAS GONNA LET IT END ME it was eternity I was dreaming one summertime eve eternity that ended finite me it was a destiny of fire and yes I burned like devastation THEN DESIRE RELEASED ME INTO ETERNITY
IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT
I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD KILL ME