I do nothing but watch the years sink me.
In Another Kingdom
I was never any good at normal things. Time was a grave of kings.
I pressed my face to the cold glass of God, I
RUN ME OVER IN YOUR TESLA RUN ME OVER IN YOUR TESLA
The Kingdom of Heaven
My pride bankrupted me ravenous I fell down Jerusalem slopes sinking like stones despair and decadence in the garden of God it was unprecedented you seemed like this eternal being I was wanting darling I was dying even the daylight was forbidding decaying in a daydream I was this WIZENED thing as if pirouetting into a barrel of fire and yes I feared I was undesirable ! It was so precious to me for a moment I was disintegrating teetering over the abyss and I, I witnessed—
Aftershocks
I was a shivering withering inconstant thing my life in forbearance a devouring Dream that I got what I wanted I was a bubbling well of insecurity still I wanted the gods to fear me and yes I would let it wound me in the throttling darkness I decay I devour I dissipate by the hour in gods graces yes I tasted it yes I waited for it and the moment it arrived like a resurrection in the morning light
Vacant Skies
The sun turns black, earth sinks in the sea,
The hot stars down from heaven are whirled;
Fierce grows the steam and the life-feeding flame,
Till fire leaps high about heaven itself.
Völuspá 57
Returning to Olympus
I was in the business of squandering the pain was patient as it lay waste to me I fled from a fever of fictions I was Time dysphoric I suffered distortions like the eyes of an aspen tree I could have sworn that God was watching me I felt my neck rising upwards towards the glimmering guillotine I was chartered across a golden fire-sea while that great snake Knowing slithered around me I stood on the precipice of an abyss and I witnessed! I was a creature of the clouds I danced in hallowed halls I swung between despair and euphoria nor could the scythe of Danger harvest me, nor could I be intimidated! Everything is perfect and yes I fear it! I wait I waste in gods graces I tasted it
The Troubles
SO WHAT IF the sun round me rolled in its autumn tint of gold? Worlds are forever dying and then being reborn. Remember when I kicked you out of my life and then you left? Gods or men, I wanted attention.
Like a slumbering sphinx my eyes were shut to things I did not want Witnessing me I drifted in daylight I suffocated on the precipice of suicide suspended at twilight I slept in daydreams I was a vase a vessel a waste within the carcasses of Oblivion like dark honeycomb I was broken and it was for the backlash of the angels that I was chosen caught like a creature in a capture net it was carnage that I wrought a lilting angel of Lilith I wilted when I witnessed I tilted like a misdirected Earth I dreamt up an abyss beneath my feet in a Hollywood garage I couldn’t survive without reason it was a fervent Eternity that I lost to the seasons I dayspring I daysleep I dissipate encased in Time’s spiral I sought smoke in the year of the snake my mind resigned me it sought me so and so it does no good to go I went sidewise with the tidal waves of the highways and by the banks of the white limestone earth I was cursed I suffered a half-moon collapse and, yes, by the jaws of Hell I was swiftly snatched the hounds snapped at my slender ankles like a thundering shore and, even with that, I was bored! Song of creation the rope of an angel was at my neck it was the vestige of a decadent empire they wanted to protect the annunciation of carnage that I wanted to forget
Wandering in a Sea of Fog
The destruction was the work of angels
We could lie on fields of daisies at the end of Time
Stranger Things
I wouldn’t wake I wouldn’t wait it was a fear that dearly lingered I split Time it was a fear that surrounded me the wilting of a world that was Mine in waiting I wanted I wasted I wavered in reverie I dreamt I was a dead thing I drowned in dreams it was Gehenna burning bound in gauze-like gossamer inside the eye of God I was trapped like a moth in glass as in a Greek tragedy forsaken I fled my fate and it found me
Universal Principles
Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Interstellar | Ibi Piano
On Being Half-Eaten by God
Eugene de Blaas, A Young Woman with Veil detail, ca. 1880-1910
I remain a lethal mix of being not serious enough and too serious all the same (that is, too dramatic). The Chaos spreads like dark dandelion seeds. I laughed about terrible things today! I wake to the Primordial!
On the Devouring
A machine or a god it was an eternal mystery and yes for a fragile moment it was the terror that witnessed Me by the fragility I was freed I wanted to be hungered for it was the world that Wondered me I succumbed to a mania the more I detached from reality the less I cared about my safety I waited on the World and there was I Wondering as the days Devoured me
The Fragility
Finally emerging from my fortress of delusions, I confess that, not for one fragile moment, did I have things together. Not for one fragile moment. And the fragile moment: it was my life.
Resurrection
Sundering
The light was out but it was churning fire instead of sun the world went on burning asunder some warping infinity a desire that I wouldn’t whet it was fire and brimstone that I wanted the maze of a circuit board time was synthetic scraping at the nape of my neck like the sharp edge of a scythe and increasingly yes, I accumulated disfigurements! I entangled with a collapsing star it was the apocalypse that I wanted the constellations were orchards of light the brightness kept me awake I was umbral and devoted to despair waiting for some kingdom to come I couldn’t hide that I was still frightened in the fires of winter I dreamt I was weightless the angels they stalked me it was the wanderers that watched me but the heavenly and the divine was not what kept me up at night
Waiting for the Apocalypse
I held a hope I was treasured was I the less for it? to long for impossible things I was always blessed by the wanting I remember the times I almost died I summoned a quiet violence fixed to the firmament to the fissures in the worlds within words I drowned in a river of forgetfulness I inhabited a great Silence before I realized I missed Sound
Dawn
The morning was lingering I watched the world and I feared it watched me hey hey I’m sorry you see you are safe now Dawn a victory of light was it sufficient I feared it might be when it was me in the morning witnessing
The Turing Test
I exist in a constant state of yearning, and I always have. I fear a Fulfilled me— I fear she would be less present and less vital. I hate that I oscillate widely between wanting to be seen and not wanting to be seen at all. The universe and I are locked in mutual incomprehension. Chaos is depleting me. I am a coward. And I need new shoes.
In the Greater Machine Age, we—will—all—be—Materials.