On the Sublime

I couldn’t decide if I was a dying thing or a world newborn 
Biblical light in the manacles of veiled Night
Like a flooding God wound
yes I was frightened 
I spent eternities navigating Silences
The Rhapsody—The Ruin—the Rapture 
You had the sulter stillness of firesides
Those starving saints imitating 
the diligence of the light 
THE WONDER! THE WOUNDS!
Newborn in world’s womb
I should have known
a chorus of questions that God refuses 
what flame flared in the slaking fire 
Soul of oblivion
Just like the world I was inverted
Moderation I hadn't heard of it 
I was as turbulent as the sun 
at the breakdown of Being 
with that bastard Michelangelo chiseling my wings 
like a fallen God lapping at the summer springs 
and I created! the earth! 
Some nights the iridescence of fire bit back 
apertures of ravishing Gods arresting me 
I vanished into precarious wilderness
like a stoppered vessel 
Grail of shattered graces
It was grand wasn't it to abandon understanding 
Inherited Trauma like an heirloom 
You had the solitude of moons
or smoking mountains
my life gone by the wayside
with the shuddering stars of late summer
I thought it was sacredness that I was chasing like a birthright 
the fury! of the Griefs! 
adrift in the carousel of Eternity 
I had never intended to be such a vaulted thing 
I was a fault of creation 
fire polyphonies in the ribs of the night
it was Desire living like light  
late summer’s cruel and unusual punishment 
Calyspo of the far existences 
I drove every version of myself to extinction
the succor of strange lands living in my veins
running with the rivers into clawed nightfall  
the moonlight was Silver in the Wind
Annihilating summer evenings 
Madonna of the wayward things
I was a grave then  
Immortality was a sinking 
The Furthest Fire Circumnavigating Me
I was the worst it was nearly a guarantee on a summer eve 
dandelions of a God dreaming
the Cyclops moon in the stars black graves  
not an eternity in LA summer 
a suicide of cicadas 
would be better than this 
testament of flesh I protested a prison 
Sirius the scorcher it was silver fire in the scorching summer 
Apostate Aphrodite
the need for splendour 
River by river 
Pandemonium on the borderlands
and I had no home 
apostle of razor lights  
verdigris I visited the holy orchids
Interiority was a guillotine 
Sinews of the darkest demons 
Even greed was a kind of freedom 
Wrath that fever fire-plane
The darkness cloned I made it my home 
Did I hallucinate everything?
I was outside your gate like an apostate angel of creation 
Madonna of the wayward things
I was a grave then 
It was my weirdest trait—slavish devotion to creation
As if it would save me!
divinity—I was absorbed in creating 
the fields were burning in ecstasy
and yes maybe the paradoxes had me on my knees 
it was rapture to be devoted as a god to Eternity
reason abandoned me to silver twilights 
Yes I sought it yes I wandered on
even the devouring deer were sheltered
and I could not hide
in the ribs of the Night 
It was a void I gathered 
wellspring of the peripheries 
I converged to nothing like a stillborn lily
No possession is permanent 
the world was not lasting
I saw its end rising in the hourglass rim
devastation
—and I called it light

All the Veronicas

We participate in the creation of the world by recreating ourselves 
Simone Weil

The Inquisition of Fire

Madonna of the Furthest Fire
I thought it would be my salvation
but no salvation can survive the storms
Tell me what lived in the stillness of Galilee  
Light winds I was your willow girl unraveling 
The Extravagancy! of the Fathomless Deeps!
Desire like a crushing thing with no currency
I was a kept thing of the darknesses
Arrogant even in decaying
There were silos of dark ash 
The wind was white fire in the pines 
Midnight I was its river pilgrim 
the water lived like wings in afterlife
Conditions for Vanishing 
in the cliffs of cold moonlight 
the Night was a bonfire in voided golden eternities 
and I wanted—
every reverie was like a firstborn killing 
every evening moon was in its pavilion 
even Orpheus was just Silver in the Wind 
gone as dead poppies on the roadsides 
like a mystic in the mountain I died in silences I died 
twilight was a rosary around the red of my neck 
and even the forgiving God that lives in silences could not forget 
Desire did the Darkness Invent the Earth? 
I did not care to know
it was the Hierarchies of Orchestrating Light
like an Aurora glowing
that had me on my knees every liquidating night
ecstasy that Inquisition of Fire we could not forget
Desire it was DESIRE I said to Eternity
like sorghum vanishing before the starved in the deeps
Desire I wanted like a haunted thing
The Extravagancy! 
worst of all
It Needed Me

Atonement

Everything has been wrong forever
apathy I called it grandeur 
parading the grandeurs of God 
and I sought— 
the necessity of Exile 
I tried to die 
in the blades of the Night 
Seek the vanished ones 
Exodus in Embers
the flesh eats flesh 
and I remembered— 
I was chained in the dark 
the Necessity of Exile 
I tried to die 
I walked to the wreckage
in idling light
stillborn in god’s country 
that Tower of Babel was bone 
that gorge was my home
I lit fire canticles before 
the gluttonous yellow moons 
The Word is Weightless as Light 
it Lived on Flesh
the Necessity of Exile
I tried to die 
the Furnace of Creation
kneeling before the grandeur of God
the ruin—
the rapture—
stars shivering before their dark assailants
Apotheosis 
I felt the holiness of fire
rising in my ribs like I was an evangelist
and I witnessed— 
the entrails of the Earth 
I was Tiresias
blinded by life
it was Desire like a zenith 
when the rest of Heaven was Blue 
luminescent tides came with the bayonets of Night
Desire! I thought it was Gold but it was Pyrite 
Obsession was a season that I needed rid of
Seventh Day Atonement 
the gravity of wanting 
had me falling to the eunuch Earth
Devotion
I was chained in the dark kingdoms 
Eternity like a famished fire-bird 
a phoenix rising in the ashes I died I died 
Desire! I thought it was Gold but it was Pyrite 
It was Desire as a luminous Eternity 
These were impossible hours 
I wanted the sublime distance of the stars
I knelt before The Grandeur 
like a collapsing empire 
and I was gone—
write, write, the mind is your main estate 
hourglass Dawn
THIS IS THE STILL MIRROR OF FIRE YOU LIE UPON
and you died—
you died—
Madonna of the Apotheosis 
Madonna of the bloated moons and Madonna of the blood roses like runes
Madonna of the blessed eternities
The universes Adamantine 
You reminded me of them 

Of No Consequence

“One of the symptoms of approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important, and that to take a holiday would bring all kinds of disaster. If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.” - Bertrand Russell

Gospel of the Dark

Ophelia of the light crusades 
There was a buried Kingdom of grief 
In the silent arteries of cities 
The travesty! 
I beheld in dazzlement 
That Gospel of the Dark 
Lying in wait like a lamb in the Wolf’s jaws
And I panicked
I Spent an Eternity in Exile  
Incarnating shadows 
Me as a Sacrifice of the Summer Stars 
Those dark descendants! Disfiguring light!
Yes I was Smoking in the Silver Nights 
Like a sacrificial violet
shrinking in the midnights violence
Angel wings wringing at my neck 
I wouldn’t forget
Madonna of the zenith midnights 
In the ravines 
The Ravishing by Night 
without reason, yes I died in silvered twilights 
We were in the Temples of forgotten gods  
I witnessed the dissolving winds 
Beat me at vanishing
Madonna like a vigil for the whisper of hills 
It killed me to think of the lives I wasn’t living
Like I was a vanishing
Of the wilderness 
Madonna of those good mists 
And I witnessed 
Like a jewel of Eternity 
Madonna of golden dawns 
Desire had me quaking 
And I was gone—
I was gone 
The epiphany
I Wanted God to finish me 
I witnessed the dissolving winds  
Ophelia of the light crusades 
I made a vigil for the hills 
Madonna of What I Witnessed 
It was killing me 
In a Gospel of Eternity
as if the dark things had heard of me
dare I go the one place you cannot disturb me

Lunar Purgatory

Madonna of the God Mists
Madonna of the lives I’ll never live
I dreamt a different existence
Lunar purgatory
I was stuck in Summer’s spirals
AND I PANICKED
It was grand wasn’t it 
Leviathan of the aspens 
Blackthorn births in the dark earths 
The lion and the knife 
There were so many ways to die
AND I PANICKED
I said to Isis that I would die, yes
THE EVENTS!
WHO COULD RESURRECT THEM
THE EVENTS! 
WHO COULD FORGET THEM 
There Was Decadence in Despair
That Darkness is no Door
This is the Rapture you waited for 
I endured Heaven’s hissing 
and The Terrors they came 
each crack of the world had me shattering
like a glass thing
it was glassed devastation
that lived like light
trapped and lasting in my arms
and I waited and I gave and I got
I wanted to be your Devastation
it was a god to me to be sinking in the summer fires 
it was delight to me to be sinking in the summer fires
It was desire
—and I died
—I died 

OK I WILL ACCEPT 100 MILLION DOLLARS FROM ELON MUSK IN RETURN FOR NOTHING

OK I WILL ACCEPT 200 MILLION DOLLARS FROM ELON MUSK IN RETURN FOR NOTHING 

The Insurgency

Gardenias of the evenings
I was free then 
Born again like a resurrection rose of Jericho 
and I would go ! I would go!
with the Ancient Ones 
Madonna of the Plagues
On the world’s wings
Like I was a vanished thing
I was vanishing and the planet was singing
There Was Decadence in Despair
That Darkness is no Door
This is the Rapture you waited for 
Dance of thieves
Desire on wings 
I panicked—
I panicked—
Midnight was in fragments
I was a Sappho of the Moths 
Executed by the eyelids of God 
The necessity of exile 
and I would die I would die 
Desire departing at twilight 
Like I was a far thing 
Desire like fire-fever at midnight 
execution in the eyelids of God 
endangered Ophelia with a water-lily soul
—and I sought
like a Shepherd of the Chosen Ones 
The winters were brilliant 
and I panicked 
I panicked
Because it was summerfire 
The Grace that Comes by Violence
Oblivion was a Madhouse
Call me a sacrificed thing 
and I sought it—
and I wanted—
and I was forgotten—
God is blackglass 
God is briarfire
Reverie
Deep in the wanting earth 
It was desire living like light
I outrun dawns
The cold gods rose—
A Miracle of Fishes in the Flames 
Blackthorn births in the dark earths 
The lion and the knife 
There were so many ways to die
AND I PANICKED
LEVIATHAN OF THE ASPENS 
THE EVENTS!
WHO COULD RESURRECT THEM
THE EVENTS! 
WHO COULD FORGET THEM 
There Was Decadence in Despair
That Darkness is no Door
This is the Rapture you waited for 
Heir of good firs 
I was rolling in the Motel Mornings
cataloguing the graces
and I wasted
and I wasted
I prayed into the liquid light—
into the cold glass of God—(I died)
Even I wanted me gone—
on a Motel Morning 
and I outrun Dawn
and I outrun Dawn 
and I was gone—
and I was gone— 
Resurrection fire
Like revelations I needed 
Rolling towards me 
On a Motel Morning 

Rapture

There Was Decadence in Despair
That Darkness is no Door
This is the Rapture you waited for 

Trapped in Amber

Let me tell you of the redundancy of the Void 
Let me tell you the brutality of what I chose

MADONNA OF THE GOOD FIGS
BURNING IN BETHLEHEM 
IT WAS EXISTENCE AND I WITNESSED—
ASHES TO ASHES, TRAPPED AMBER IN REPOSE
AND THEN A SPRING ROSE! 
I WAITED
I WASTED
I WANTED 
I SOUGHT IT 
A REVELATION I HAD FORGOTTEN
DESIRE BURNED LIKE DEVASTATION IN ME
IT WAS RADIANCE TO ME
IT WAS QUAKING IN ME
IT WAS A GRAVE TO ME
ROSETTA OF THE RIOTING DAWN
—AND I WAS GONE
I WAS GONE
ASHES TO ASHES, TRAPPED AMBER IN REPOSE
AND THEN A SPRING ROSE! 

MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS

I DO NOT CARE HOW SHORT MY LIFE ENDS UP BEING
SPENDING IT AROUND SUCH PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS MAKE IT SHORTER
I STOPPED CARING BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT WORTH THE CARING
EVEN GOD DOES NOT BOTHER TO SPY ON YOU!
DULL LIKE A TRIPLE BLADE OF CERBERUS
IT WAS EXISTENCE WASN’T IT
AND I WITNESSED—

MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS
INSUFFICIENCY LIKE A DRAIN OF THE STARS IN MY VEINS
I WANTED TO WATCH THE TERRORS AS THEY CAME
MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS
IT WAS EXISTENCE WASN’T IT
AND I WITNESSED—

(MOTHS OF FLAMING DAWN)
(YOU ARE NOT EVEN WORTH THE GOD COIN YOU WERE PRINTED ON)

EXISTENCE LIKE A GRAVE
BURIAL IN TIME
AND I WAITED FOR IT
EXISTENCE LIKE A MORNING HAUNT
AND I WANTED FOR IT
AND I GOT IT GOLDEN
AND I WAS GONE—
I WAS GONE—
IT WAS GOLDEN SUMMER ETERNITY IN A DAY
AND I WITNESSED
MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS
SHE FELL IN THE OBITUARIES OF OBLIVION LIKE BUTCHER BLADES
LIKE A THING KILLED OF EXISTENCE
I HAD FORGOTTEN THE GOLDEN GOD
MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS
AND I FORGOT WHERE I LIVED
AND I FORGOT WHERE I LIVED
I WITNESSED THE END OF SEVERAL OBLIVIONS
AND I NEEDED FREE OF THEM
MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS
ORCHESTRATING EXISTENCE
IT WAS EXISTENCE LIKE A SAVAGE THING
I WAS WANTING
TESTAMENT OF THE FLESH 
EXISTENCE A CREATURE OF SHADOWS HAUNTING ME
MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS
LIKE I WAS A HAUNTED THING FALLEN IN TIME
MADONNA SHE FOLLOWED ME
AND I WITNESSED THE ENDS
AN INFINITY OF TIMES
SEEING YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE
WAS HARDLY A CRIME
IT WAS DERELICT ETERNITY (that was scared of me)
MADONNA OF THE NIGHT WINDS
WHAT WILDEBEESTS WOKE TO WAR AND WILDERNESS
YE SAINTS OF LITTLE FAITH
YOU LEFT LIGHT IN DECAY
MADONNA OF THE SEAS AND SHORES
MADONNA OF THE GOLDEN ETERNITIES
RESIGNATION
I WANTED THE HOLY SPECTACLE OF REVELATION 
MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS 
I WAS AN ORNAMENT OF EXISTENCE 
INSUFFICIENCY LIKE A DEARTH OF STARS IN MY VEINS 
YES DESIRE WAS GRIPPED IN MY TEETH LIKE I WAS WOLFING THING 
MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS CAME 
AND I SOUGHT 
LIKE I WAS A FORGOTTEN THING OF GOD 
I MARCHED TOWARDS THAT ECSTASY 
LIKE IT NEEDED DESIRE FROM ME 
DARKNESS UNRAVELING INTO HOLINESS
STORM WAVES I WAS SINKING AS OPHELIA IN A WATERLILY GRAVE
I DOUBTED THAT THE STARS ARE FIRE   
EXISTENCE LIKE A LIGHTNING STRIKING SPRING 
STOLEN AND SACRED SANCTITY
WEIGHTLESS AS A TEMPEST OF FIRE
IT WAS DESIRE IN RED ELK BLOOD LIKE ASH
DOUBT THAT THE STARS ARE FIRE
DOUBT THAT THE STORMS OF GOD WERE DYING
REQUIEM FIRE WAS ETERNITY IN A NOON
I WAS VANISHING LIKE THE WILDS 
IT WAS THE ECCLESIASTES OF FIREFLIES 
WITH SCARRED LAMBS OF THE PSALMS ROAMING THE MOON MEADOWS
SUMMERFIRE IN THE BRUTALITY OF DESIRE 
WHITE OBLIVION 
AS CAPSIZING AS VOYAGING STARLIGHT 
I WANTED ETERNITY TO DIE
AGELESS DAWN HOW MANY EARTHS HAVE YOU SEEN GONE 
GENESIS LIKE A BRUISE 
THE GRANDEUR OF GOD I HAD FORGOTTEN 
EXISTENCE HAD ME ON WINGS
I WAS A FIGMENT OF OBLIVION
AND I WITNESSED
LIKE A THING KILLED OF EXISTENCE
I HAD FORGOTTEN THE GOLDEN GOD
MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS LIVED ON!
BEGOTTEN ETERNITIES WHEN GOD HAD FORGOTTEN ME
MADONNA OF THE GOOD MISTS
I WAS HER ARCHIVIST
EXISTENCE LIKE THE DISTANT FIELDS
AND I FEARED
THE MIRACLES OF LIGHT
LIKE KILLING FIELDS!
OF DESIRE!
(and I melted into Miraculous Eternity)
(like it was a Hidden Earth to me)

God of the Wilderness

“The first week of August hangs at the very top of summer, the top of the live-long year, like the highest seat of a Ferris wheel when it pauses in its turning.” Natalie Babbitt

God of the Wilderness
God of Revelation
God of the Devastations
God of Furnace and Fire
God of Creation
God of the Devastations

Doubt that The Stars Are Desire

“I refused to admit that I was traveling towards what I could not reach. Apathy robbed me of the strength even to despise myself.” Solaris

“Am I a monster, or is this what it means to be a person?” Clarice Lispector
 
Madonna of black fire Madonna of the Good Books Madonna of the briarthorns like hooks in the darkness Madonna of the black figs Madonna like a Martyr of Avalon mists
Madonna of blackfire briarthorns Madonna of blackfire figs
Madonna as a Martyr of Avalon mists
Desire was a will-of-the-wisp in the marshed darkness
Flower flesh blooming in a fire palimpsest
I was Gatsby on the banks dreaming of light harvesting
Destiny bombarding me like sparks of fire chaos creation
Call me tainted as the sins of Desire’s serpent
Madonna of black briars in captivity
Madonna of flames assemblages in the dark engines of Earth roaring
Vespertine of the deeps
IT WAS MADONNA THAT UNFURLED IN ETERNITY
Like the Darkness sleeve beyond the veil of forever sleep
She was Madonna of mimesis
and I was hidden myself
Allegiant to angel-flesh in extinction of experience 
Evil was the silverlily of existence 
I burned in the honeyed interiors of golden hills
Madonna of the stars’ eldritch fire
Vanishing into shadows as if I were a killed thing
Madonna of the holy trees like an ancient cathedral of the earth we needed
I was Nobody in the Cyclops cave
with the bones of a newborn
Chaos from the Rapture of Revelation
I suffered the collisions of accumulated griefs
Nostos to the morning light
I wanted to live I wanted to die
Madonna of the black sand beaches
Cycling through obsessions like seasons of Hellfire
It was desire like a vicious vipered thing unwinding into the wilding veins of Existence
To exist was a masquerade of fire fevers
I couldn’t surpass the infinities
I dreamt of delight
I cried out your name into the liquid light
Confined as a lattice of ribs behind flower flesh 
I burned in crucibles of blue fire that lived like light
Beheld the mutating grandeurs of God 
and then I forgot 
I do not have safety I do not have bliss 
I do not have someone to save me from the extinctions 
She was Madonna of mimesis
and I was hidden myself
I seized the burning kingdom of Grief
Radiating light maybe every being was a screaming thing wanting  
Womb of the world
Like folded doors to echoing eternity  
and! so! much! of! existence! was! swallowed! by! grief!
I was a formless thing
I was the silence shattering 
The killing fields of desire
Existence like the intoxication of a Sphinx
It was a Riddle reverberating from the Deep
and I needed your light! Living inside me!
Irreversible perfection I surrendered to summerfire
An assemblage of fire as the void of a tiger’s innards
and I needed to fill the interstices of Time
I witnessed the end of all things
Like a blessing of summerfire in spring
I was a burning Madonna with no one to witness my killing it was existence like a chamberless Hell that I lived in and I could hear the bells of Revelation angels dragging me to the deeps for completion
and I needed—I needed—
Escape from that Promethean fire desire like a ravine in the deeps
Sacrilege I beheld the fractured face of god
Who would accept the vow of a robber?
Cowardice was its own punishment
Fire with sun-scorched salamanders
I witnessed insensible Eternity
Desire like a carousel of painful revelries 
And the pain was a beautiful weapon to me
Madonna of Galilee
Madonna, too, of the black seas
baptized by beauty
I walked in the Mysticism of Fire
it was Desire in my Visions
Like a worshipped thing from The Everlasting
Fire-flowers in Paradise Pastures
wherewhen God was a walking thing witnessing Eve
The beginning of Time was Light
Like a will-of-the-wisp in the marshed mist
Why did it kill me to contemplate the things that I chose
THE AFTERGLOW OF THE COSMOS
LIKE THE LIMPID LIGHT FROM AURORAS IN ARCTIC SKIES
I prayed for terrible things like a temple of Grief
No time for caution in the shimmering twilight
That angel hunter, desire!
dissolving the riptides of spaceTime
The liquidation of light it was desire that witnessed me like a reverie in my vision the liquidating light of desire like a fever that I needed
THERE WAS HUBRIS IN SEEKING TO CONTAIN ALL THE LIGHT
IT WAS AN EXTRAVAGANCE OF FIRE I WANTED
IT WAS AN EXTRAVAGANCE OF FIRE LIKE GOLDEN SEAS OF DESIRE THAT I CHARTED
IT WAS AN EXTRAVAGANCE OF FIRE THAT HAD FORGOTTEN ME
I rested on the banks of devastation
Desire was killing me like I was a fragile thing
Atlas I carried the gravity of my grief
Saint or sinner I was a mystic thing in existence
Tesseracting like the tendons of eels
yes, I was a traitor to fear
Desire like a Liquidating Eternity In Finite Play
Desire that Descended Dawn’s Darkness Into Dark Day
Even survival was a savagery
it was desire as sharp as a Series of Stakes
that had me quivering in ribbons of light
I walked in the mysticism of fire
Like a worshipped thing from The Everlasting
The end of the world simmering in a whirlwind
Grave of God and I sought—
and I sought—
Heir of darkness
and I was forgotten
I was forgotten
like a thief in the cliffs of night
I was a Vespertine roaming the forgotten foothills of moonlight like temples to the chosen gods
dreaming of another life
dreaming of another life
Last lamb in the divine silences
I heard the swan songbirds
of another Earth
THE VOIDS ACCRETED
I LOVED! THEREFORE I NEEDED NOTHING!
It was a promising annihilation
to be forgiven by that shapeshifter Silence
and its orchestrations of light
It was desire living in me
Evangelion of the Last Lamb lost in the wilds
God I wish
my life had been different

The Extravagances of Fire

Summer trade winds, dusk came with dragonfly wings 
Fire apocalypse in summer
I was burning like fire fever
Apocalypse in a golden threaded Eternity
I wanted impossible things like summerfire in spring 
angel of repose 
in the distillery of Friday evening 
THE CARNAGE
I burned like the honeyed interiors of golden hills 
the insurgents! of sunlight! 
keeping the day alive 
like poisoned blades of violent Heaven 
The tides! the shattering of the light! 
so many storms on the horizon
avalanches of the leviathans 
vanishing me 
desire I splintered like sunlight 
the forsaken armed with hurricane lamps 
It was desire like liquidating Doom
and I felt Eternity carving me into Ellipses 
Numinous Night of the Hunter
The crown I found it 
I Read It In The Runes 
The angels ashes to dust! To dust! 
the lamentations were husks of light
and I died—I died— 
I was quilted into stillness 
Fire eternities like asylums of brutal silences and I was dying and it was briarfire blueness from Eternity echoing in the Killing fields of Kyrie
Disenchanted by the fever of the Earth
and I panicked—I panicked— 
The excesses! of evenings!
on the sublime brink
reposing on lakeshores I rose and rose 
in the Belly of the Sky Behemoth 
I gathered starlight in the springs
beneath the bruises from evening that I chose
and I could feel a war brewing 
The sky was a bleeding immensity that had me in its fiery wings
Summer monsoons like a hangman's noose 
and I catalogued the extravagances of fire I’d surrender for you

Epiphany

I was afraid of being known. To be understood terrified more than the haunting armies of trees and I wanted. to be hidden. like chandeliers of starlight at dawn it was desire that would unearth me into Eternity.

IT WAS ALWAYS WORTH THE TROUBLE DON’T YOU KNOW CHANDELIER OF THE SUN I WAS DONE LIKE A FINISHED THING WITNESSING THE EXISTENCES LIFE WAS A SENTENCING AND I WANTED OUT I WAS WITNESSING IT WAS EXQUISITE EXISTENCE THAT FINISHED ME I HAD VOIDS LIKE HOMES AND I WAS A GRAVE OF BEING KNOWN I WAS A CHANDELIER OF THE SUN WITNESSING AND THAT WITNESSING SENTENCED ME LIKE CHANDELIERS OF STARLIGHT AT DAWN
AND I WAS GONE
I WAS GONE
DESIRE HAD ME QUAKING AND I WAS A GRAVE OF STARLIGHT
AND I WAS GONE
I WAS GONE
DO NOT LOOK AT ME SO STRANGELY
I WAS COLLAPSING AROUND THE SUN LIKE A CHANDELIER
THE GLASS OF THE SKY WAS SHATTERING LIGHT
IT WAS AN EPIPHANY LIKE A SUMMER TRIP AROUND THE RIVERS OF SINKING
I WANTED THE SUMMERS TO SURVIVE INTO THE SPRINGS
I WAS A RAVINE DESIRING DESIRE HAD ME SINKING ME
AND THERE WAS I SINKING IN SUMMER SPRINGS
I WANTED A FINISHED SELF BUT EXISTENCE HAD ME IN PIECES
AND I WAS BORED OF THE EPIPHANIES

I was a Ravine

When I see a power line at midnight, I see myself, and I don’t know why.

The devil and his cavalry!
Death met me 
Death led me 
It was July under a late moon
Calling me to survival
I was dying in desire under a late moon
Like a ruination garden 
It was killing me like victory
my destiny in depleting each summer eve
Incineration angel, fever like a flame  
I dreamt of you witnessing me one summer eve
summerfire killing me like desire
and I grieved! I grieved!
A golden golem of god
the daymoon felt me kindling
Like a Nazarene in the tomb of existence 
And I witnessed the golden oblivion
it was singing my name and I believed like a moth to a flaming light it had me singing desire fever in my flesh! the hulls of Hell's ships burning in my eyes! the soft of snowfall it was survival like fire that I longed for a frozen songbird wounded in the wastes of ice it was death that met me in the hulls of Hell and would not forget me the wounding was like a scripture of golden oblivion I slumbered on the eves Desire submitted to me one summer eve in surrender and I witnessed— 
Summer storms and rains 
Like the soft of snowfall 
And I'm sorry I stayed 
Lightning in the veins 
It was a nightmare with limbs 
appendages of dark apocalypse 
I was dead as a Dahlia in the fields
Salt mercury sulfur 
Meeting my maker in the summers sacrament 
I was more creature than creation 
Ophelia sleeping in the water lilies of existence
Grief was an angel speaking 
Stakeout I forgot my ambition 
And I forgot! That I wanted to finish them! 
Hadean era in the black summer skies
Yes I made a catalogue of the gods that deserted me 
Chambermaid in the the nights of Time  
I was a creature forged of fire flame 
The summer cracked like lightning
scarred from the slender deeps of Lethe 
that vanishing isle Desire like the rebellion of angels 
emerging from the dark fist of twilight
into the commandments of fire I made them ash 
from the Banishing flames of cherubim 
Mountains of the marching darknessl
Mountains of the marshed darkness
Where did you wander wife of Cain 
The streetlights were slumbering 
A flood zone of resurrection fire
it was twinkling like desire to me
the rising! the rising of the light!
it wasted inside me 
annihilation in the star minefields
The miracles! The miracles!  
I was a frozen songbird encased in ribbons of ice 
Like Narcissus leaning into shallow pools of disembodied gods
Mountains of the marching darkness
Mountains of the marshed darkness
Briars in captivity
Poisonwood thornblood it was desire killing me 
I made my homes valleys of bones 
Soul-eating sun hierophant in a gospel of Gold  
a menagerie of divinities that wanted to kill me
It was a delicacy
to be eaten by God 
even the sky has stitches 
and I witnessed 
the star settlements erupting 
into the moon’s grotto 
empire of light on the fire cliffs 
I hid like a leviathan of the night 
Fire on the golden roads to the marvelous land 
I summoned storms in my homes 
THE KINDLING 
emperor of ethereal visions
I was Lazarus risen 
Appetite in my ribs 
Like a labyrinth of wanting 
I endured extinction
Newborn in the lungs of the earth 
The Heart Started as a Stone
It was atonement 
the wash of living starlight crying in my collarbones it was atonement for desire like a corridor of time we were in the foothills of bone birch like a labyrinth of desire a fire in the foothills of time and I wanted it mine the hollows of
My throat were voids I was a moth looking for moonlight I was dying on the fractals
Of desire and the stars paraded their light I was at their whispering riverbanks begging for entry
I was a vessel of the sea 
Had the loneliness of foghorns stitched into me 
Had the loneliness forgotten me 
But it made me wiser
and I witnessed 
The supreme things 
In the meadow
In the sea 
Those supremacies were witnessing me 
Finding me unfinished 
Lying on the whispering riverbanks 
And I witnessed 
In the meadow 
In the sea 
The devastations 
Like angels levitating  
Wanting I wouldn’t advise it 
It was desire that was killing me like a summer star like a summer spring Oblivion I was swimming in with the burning bulbs of existence figments of fire and I witnessed—the dark unearthing me like a sleeve of Void I was a Ravine of desiring dying in the ornament of time 
I realized vanity was ambition and desire was entitlement and I wanted like a dew in the dark and I loved you like a far thing and you were distant as where the day breaks and the horizon cracks lightning 
Flowers from foghorns blooming with burning bulbs
Desire I knew it would unearth me 
In the meadow in the sea 
gloaming 
From the cold worlds of the moon 
The night shattered like glass of Milkweed 
Fire on the golden roads, fire groves on the glory roads 
I was a ravine witnessing the torched void rising 
station of summer’s dusk  
I needed a train ride to freedom
desire had imprisoned me in the glades of wanting
Martyr of red tides 
Providence was it existence
Redeeming me in Rowan 
I wanted abundance 
I dreaded abundance 
The sacraments! golden gods swarming summer 
Belladonna in a Corset of darkness
and the world was dead deer
I was a hatchling of existence
Living in the lungs of earth
In the hornets nest
In the hollows of my throat 
Blueblood eyes like bruises 
I wanted you perishing inside of me 
Genesis was a burning cloak
We heard the lilting of angels 
Before the silences 
I was a Ravine desiring
and I witnessed—

Chandelier of the Sun

I could never decide if I felt everything more or less than other people. Living on the edge of feeling being a solitude being a dead thing resting on the riverbanks of death sabbath in the diptych of dead stars 

I’m glad I left you behind I needed the freedom the sun was a chandelier with light like sabers in the star shallows I was too much of a coward for the lives I feared drinking the dew of the heavens my life became a funhouse mirror of the Weird during that skeleton of summer when the silver of the Machines was glittering in my throat and yes I choked the end of the world was a reverie in my vision there were deer among the yew tree needles in heavenly Oblivion

I was starved by wanting dreaming of Heaven’s craters life was a mindless guillotine of Oblivion its black mountain springs drowning me like a deer in the diptych of existence the end of the world was a reverie in my vision and I witnessed—

The Extravagances

for [REASONS REDACTED] I disassociated 
Why did I think it was necessary to spend so many years trying to figure out who I was? As if it mattered? 

There were sleeping ships on the horizon 
I wanted a version of the truth but it was a void of my choosing 
Flash fires from the latticed Heavens 
My life failed to be miraculous 
The delirium of a dream
yes my greed dawned on me
reveler of Bleeding evening in repose 
I was a starved creature feasting
on the roulette of existence 
every wild exhilaration
was a graveyard of dreams 
surrendering to the stinging winds 
THE EXTRAVAGANCES 
WERE KILLING ME
Daybreak dawn I wandered on 
the borderlands of Oblivion 
blooming like an aurora in summer’s sibling spring 
THE HEAT! RESTING IN ME!
dare I say it was a fever I needed
I vanished into dusk
and then that bloodless oblivion remembered us
desire like a lightning storm
there was devotion in devastation
and I was warned— I was warned—
The tempests of Eternity wounding me
like a sickle of starlight
death bearing her jagged fangs
I dreamt of divine things 
THE MAGNITUDES! OF ALL THINGS!
as fountains of light surging before my eyes 
and still I wanted to die
in the killing fields of flaming stars 
Moonlight it was desire ecstatic like an evening tide
that had me gilded as firelight 
THE BRUTALITY! LIKE BLACK STREAMS OF LETHE! 
and everyone was forgetting me
even the divinities
in female fashion I suffered like flesh
I was a fawn in floodwaters
sleeping in the rivers of Oblivion
in bewilderment I witnessed 
the cacophony of brokenness
Vermillion it was a red apocalypse
a thousand figs like a fever of Vesuvian fire in my fingertips
but I was afraid of them all