That Holy Devastation

People were always mistaking me. Writing became a way to make my selfhood more precise.

We could annihilate riches of Summertime it was golden to me when desire exploded us into the fields of dreams desire orchestrated me into delight like a field of time summertime murmurings of a fever from the starlings wings forming labyrinths in the skies I feared the need of you would execute me I cared for nothing else smokestacks in the pastures of heaven we burned with that holy devastation desire 

I was a paradox like a fragile lion at the gates of Rome it was desire that made us a home a ballad from that bard of night desire the chambers of Eternity looked deserted to me desire like a barge through the leviathans of the darkness I needed the courage of a convict the carnage was not our choice but we could share in its devastations it was Creation not sustaining life and I was wise to it

Existence was a shallow grave in eternity I was the mirrored dinner of a deity yes I felt a silver filigreed knife sweeping under me like a feast of the dark bladed things living inside my limbs I wanted a release into heavens ecstasies it was a summertime routine to fall into annihilation in likeness of that void eternity that slept under me then I was doing it again love as an assassin it was obsession that possessed me a dream of the moon and sun falling from the chambers of the summertime it was ecstasy to watch the seasons shift without slumbering me like a lover I was on my knees I was a sacrament witnessing as the brutality lay waste to me in the summer eves and do not think I was displeased with that eternity of pain it was a cacophony that sacralized me in the Adamantine armature of heaven

I was like a saint of the cathedrals of Time desire got me stranded in submission to the will of the planets the secret history feared me I had a pen and a cataloguing of all the things in existence I desired the devastation either way we were sentenced the flesh would get rid of us my quest for eternity was freeing everything seemed too easy in infinity I wasted the devastations we needed reason or we were done carrions of delight I dreamed the cares disappeared like limbs in the light noons during summerfire season it was a particular sort of chaos that needed us the limbs of a lover lavishing me it was golden how all of that destroyed me I loved to be devoted to annihilating I needed a lover for each of eternity's rooms eternity like a heel of Achilles fleeing the terrors he could not surrender it was an eternity of existences that slept under me like a dragon hoarding gold it was exquisite a chalice of life like golden liquid that Midas kissed that is why we were burning in the golden fire fields of atrocity desire was exquisite and I lived in its gilded fragmentations it was desire that rose like devastation I revolted at the governance of Heaven I witnessed the brimming dishes of God I was forgotten it was desire wasn't it dishing devastation like a dinner for dogs

Desire like a wilderness Desire a destiny for dust and I willed it the feast was eternity and yes I desired that it would kill me thefted bounty of beauty burning through you like eternity it was a feast of need the light was an architect of dream-mares we were drifting through the corridors of Time like mutineers of history in the muteness of afternoon seas we were dreaming in summertime there were fire clouds in the avalanches of the dark and yes I panicked I had a destiny for dust why would I survive that panic architecture  it had my name like a heartbeat speaking to the burning feast it was golden to me to be a spectacle of shattering it was desire and I lived in it dust to dust the wilderness descended on us dusk to dusk the wilderness respected our rewilding and I fear It was a spectacle of shattering that disarmed me like an unexpected mirror that opened under me like a spring that Narcissus fell in it was desire and I lived it it was like releasing of feathers into eternity so the fine floating things would remember me the shore of the universe did not impress it was a fable to me history in reverse like a book of the dead it told of endings become beginnings I was god  vapor storm in the smokestacks when Time that assassin resurrected the agonies the darkness flooded in ruin the great works of existence at risk of ruin and we missed the arkship we heard the choirs of the whispering voids it was religious to bury those witnesses it was exquisite to see the assassins of time execute the survival of the fittest the smokestacks were burning like thorns of roses in agony from the beautiful blades of infinity  

It was desire and I couldn't get enough it was desire that surrendered me to eternity waves of ruin and we missed the arkship the fireflies of the summer nights were smokestacks in the blackness the choirs of angels were whispering voids the cracks of light were singing resplendently like blessings from heaven’s rim heaven was a void and I fell in its sublime summers the last supper was burning and I learned from the brutality of the flames crackling dawn a storm rising in the rosebud beheadings 

The night was dissolving like a spirit of dreams you inherited innocence it was existence wasn’t it? My despair had a kind of velocity even I couldn't care for me it was destiny that the dance troupe of angels desired me it was gigantic like the stars on the late summer noons Heaven was a void I fell in the vacancies of astonishment and yes gods grip on me was unwinding untethered from the the rope of heaven while the suns were setting on our dreams desire was bombardment on the barges of heaven despair in a destiny and I wanted it to finish me it was chaos I was stranded in like a star field of desire Gods grip on me was unwinding me and I sank into the dead territories of dreaming

Dusk with a firmament that I drifted in like a knife in my limbs I was traumatized into submission to the sky numinous dawn asphyxiated me the angels were in my company and yes I witnessed the untethering from heaven it felt like freedom falling in the pastures of planets and I was stranded facing the angels armies it was cruel wasn't it?

Warchief of the Adamantine existences I kneeled into twilight it was desire that needed my submission and I was getting grander I was burning with desire a warchief met warring me and was intimidated it was desire wasn't it that gave me haloes like rolling fields of gold warchief I wanted more I was sentenced to light it was desire that annihilated us into oblivion like fire fields of incarceration and I wanted the devastations 

The Secret History

You were a dreaming thing killing me 
Pain like a kingdom of dreaming grief and I was pained to remember it all 
Pain like a kingdom of dreaming grief and I weaponized it into art
IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT 
AND I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD RELEASE ME 

Shattering

I witnessed the shattering of Earth like a planet of limbs dissolving into seasons that were afraid of us 

THE MIRACLES I WAS WITNESSING 

WERE DEAR TO ME 

LIKE A MIRACLE MILE OF SHINING THINGS

AND I WITNESSED THE END OF INFINITY 

THE MIRACLES! THE MIRACLES!

THE MIRACLES WERE SHATTERING ME 

IT WAS MY DESTINY

THAT YOU HAUNT ME

DESIRE INTO THE ICE OF INFINITY

AND I WANTED—

The Miracles

The miracle of being wanted was a gesture of God Desire felled me like an avenging angel of the apocalypse with wings and halos that beckoned to me and taught me the names of the existences Desire like a dying planet desire was alive in me and I lived in it like the seams of daydreams Seasons of abandonment I abandoned my graves they were marching through my days and I was finished like a dream seizing me and then entire seasons of doom abandoned me

I witnessed a golem of god like an alchemist of the glistening sea like a torture of the furies that carnage was a season at sea to me desire was plundering me like daggers of dawn the genesis was magnificent and I was enfeebled by eternity like an ex that wouldn’t leave I could have guessed that the terror would have sentenced us like a molten gate of dawn the spectacle was resurrecting me the planets were a procession of pilgrims like in a dream and I put my neck on the guillotine I laid it down the velocity of despair like a book of glass under bombs I detonated into incoherence and shattered every season after season

I was an ancestor of the earth on the steppes of the spirit I was choreographing my doom the spectacle enraptured us into ecstasy desire that labyrinth of fire like a neck at the sentencing and I could not bear it the voltage of the stars illuminated the tragedy it was cruel wasn’t it to see the world under illumination I could not stare at it like a detonation of glances the aggression of the angels possession I was taken to the cliffs of heaven like a bride of doom and the stormlit dunes possession by the barbarism of the dark I was captured like a slave hanging on the high cliffs of Heaven it was a tragedy we were reaping in the mornings mist and I could have sworn that the world was of my dreaming and I witnessed the world ending soon we were bridegrooms of that doom it was an overgrown garden of annihilation and I made it my home

The departures were exquisite exits from our sentences it was desire that resurrected us into the infinities and I was resurrected into depletion I could not bear the molten glance of the golden gods that I spurned in a nightcall season of sentencing it was resurrecting doom then that resistance resurrected me into a spectacle of the fallen things and I wanted it! Desire like a sentencing the day opened like a blooming blade it was a sentencing of light I asked god for the carnage I wanted it to annihilate me into existence the symbolism of the dark the tragedy was like a choreographed spectacle of things that we could end every eternity and I dreamt that those spectacular disasters would end us finite things it was desire wasn't it witnessing me? I did the eternal existences they tripled me like a tripartite god in the books of eternity we had no hand in that tragedy it was eternity! eternity that sentenced me like a lover in my dreams of submission dead before eternity would have heard of me it was a sentencing to be limited into finitude I dissent— I dissent— I dissent— it was the sainted end of endings and I wanted it haunting me like a shadow from the past it was desire that entered me and I shattered into screams of ecstasy it was desire wasn’t it I dissent — I dissent — I dissent it wasn’t the end

I was by your side burning like desire in the fires of eternity we were partners in crimes of history and destiny you were a shimmering thing wanting me and what a desire what a desire you were a luminosity vital to life you were a treasure of eternity desire like a resurrection of feeling it was radiance to me it was quaking in me desire burned like devastation in my skin I was already crying for my death when I fell in the resting eternities and I witnessed-- 

I haunted earth like a spirit overstaying its visitation we were surrendering to the existences the eves carried me into eternity it was a flight into desire like a feather drifting in the sidewalks of the skies and I witnessed eternity like a chapter in a psalter we saw to the slaughtering of the evenings like daughters for the disintegration we were cousins in depleting the eternities green gardens of paradise like annihilations of verdancy I wouldn't survive desiring you the origin and the end it was the Big Bang in reverse to a cradle of darkness and I saw that book of eternity fold like a scripture that god had scrapped I saw the golden globe abandoned and I panicked into dreams 

Desire like a planet of reckoning that rippled into twilight ripping me to my innards it was eternity gripping me like I was a sentenced thing those witnessing clouds formed an opinion of me I gazed into the voided steppes of midnight desire lifted us into the infinities of the light it was impulse like a nightcall that united us for a season of reckoning I became a fallen thing it was desire wasn’t it that sentenced us like light the eternities were distorting my vision it was desire that was dreaming of consuming me into eternity and there was a sacred part of me that wished I desired that it would kill me in a sentencing of light I felt an eternity sinking me down into existence it was desire wasn’t it that trapped us in the confines of a miracle I wanted eternity to sentence me to a more exquisite delight that punishment time ending the finite things and I called for the end like an escort seeking reimbursement desire was a need that outlived the nations I arrived in your arms too late it was desire that caused me to disintegrate into the days and I evaded—I evaded—I knew hesitation was a grave but I could not fake a will it was desire that was living inside me like a killing thing that replicated into abysses eternity was an imitation of light life I was triumphing over infinity that darkness in a vacancy

IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT
AND I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD KILL ME
IN A SENTENCING OF DELIGHT
I WITNESSED THAT DEVASTATION
AND I CALLED IT LIGHT

It was Desire Wasn't It

I was always afraid people would figure out that I’m pathetic, but, problematically, I am pathetic. I built up a false ego: that is how you become an artist.

To bleed flesh and leave your wounds in ribbons I was decaying like an afternoon in exquisite sentences with the same chant about the universe not listening to me it was euphoria to me that the winged world was desiring me the luminosity sentenced me by dying soon I was summoning eternity it was a blooming flower of desire-death eternity and I couldn’t get enough there were so many epochs I wish I could forget I was drunk on dreams it was euphoria to me that the winged world was disintegrating I revolved into cycles of dying it was like a deity was afraid of me I sawed the eyelids of Eternity it was desire to me! desire kept me lavishing! the winged world was accelerating towards a forsaken me you were luminous and light luminous like light prophecy of my desire midnight you were far more beautiful than me that killed me! that killed me! Dare I say I grieved through the silver nights like sickles at my ilium or a reaper in my iris midnight the luminosity sentenced me it was desire wasn’t it? I desired that it would kill me

IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT

I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD KILL ME

DESIRE LIKE A DESTINY THAT CHOKED GOLDEN ME EVERY MORNING I WOKE THE BREATH OF LIFE CHOKED ME IT WAS DESIRE AND I YES I FEAR IT WAS A GOLDEN YEAR HESITATING LIKE A SUICIDE AT THE PRECIPICE IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT I WOKE TO A CONFLAGRATION OF LIGHT STRANGLING ME IN DELIGHT—

I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD KILL ME

It was desire that tumbled me and I pretended it was a grounding to earth it was desire that slept under me as some ancient wisdom the desire to despise myself like the eyes of God cowardly I desired a destiny that would control me freedom was a grief to needy me I was wanting I was in the light as God designed wishing the universes slept under me it was a resting place for contemplation the desire that swept us like a season of summerfire I wanted to burn with eternity even as a slave to that eternity of fire desire that devastated me into dreams I desired that the desire would kill me I was on my knees when that desire released me I was daydreaming into depletion a burial of light it was desire wasn’t it? I desired that it would kill me before the pain did it was our destiny to be a whisper in eternity that dream fire desire living inside me like a conflagration of light desire like a green garden of Babylon

Desire a fissure in my being the annihilations of suburban hells listened to luminous me recount my destinies like doors of the universe it was desire that I had allegiance to like a dream from your youth it was desire wasn’t it that killed my luminosity I became a blooming void of wanting desperation it was golden to me to disappear into a season of vanishings I wanted the fears to witness me sinking desire like an immortal that met me at night desire like a thief took the quiet from me and left me with wanting longing desire like a divinity to me

IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT
I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD KILL ME LIKE ETERNITY

It was betrayal to be sleeping through the tragedies like a beast and I didn’t care that Chaos was outside of us it was desire wasn’t it and I desired that it would kill me desire like the golden fleece ecstasy everything was golden to me like the golden touch of midas controlling the chaos it was a deferred doom that I had unleashed like a beast in the trees I was witnessing that doom come back to me

Desire a green garden of annihilation desire like an ak-47 shooting into the backyards of stars desire like a bomb into the graves it was victory just to desire in the summertime Desire confronting me it was bombardment like a war in my victory garden the luminosity sentenced me victories of fire it was the pain like lightning rising in me with the desire two blades into my ilium I haunted the hills with Time and its killed things I decayed into desire this summerfire sunken seasons of displacement I was a concubine of the wasteland in this fire nation desiring was American the sun was a star of fire that could consummate me I was a virgin before the celestial bodies raped me into eternity 

The darkness resurrected me only to condemn me like a hammer I was day-drowning in the tempests of time I wore anguish like a veil it was a merciful illusion like the liturgy of an evening witnessing the golden ending of all things light in the spires of summerfire season it was impossible to imagine that anything wished to kill our delicate existences Desire like a haven a violence that was golden to me Desire like a weapon I wielded a gate to the witnessings the fragility slept under me I could hear the universe singing and execution was my price for listening I was a green garden of paradise that god walked in and you despaired for me we were in dream halls of desire the stars left their graveyards of darkness to fall for fallen me I was determined to become your dream I wanted you falling for me even if it took a universe of persuasion I would burn in a sundering of light to prove my devotion the outside world didn't matter it was background noise it was desire like lightning white as starlight that striked me into the distances desire like a lynching in my dreamscape fate was a roulette gun it was a sinister grace god gave to waste away the heavens wisdom 

Desire uncontained like a brush fire it was magnificent to waste the gifts god gave smart enough to do dealings with me it was eternity I sold myself to like a slave in the marketplace I had no desire for you I desired a greater eternity the cosmos panicked witnessing my need for the infinities especially the ones that dreamed of me Desire like eternity it needed me to beg for release in the the highlands of Time eternity rendering me a finite thing worthy of comdemnation like I was a midnight steed of eternity when that devastation rose in me it was chaos in a control room to be desiring you and eternity

Yes I felt it rise in me

Desiring that eternal thing a release from that desire I feared the mirrors witnessing what I gave to the fragility for a moment I believed I could survive the fervencies of that infinite prison Time it was desire that shocked me into becoming electricity the potential difference of desire I desired that it would kill me I was begging on my knees like a slave of the devastation it was religious to witness my submission to that god of death desire it was desire that was gentle with me like a violent man on a bright day it was desire that decayed me like it was death the grim on his midnight shift I longed to be destroyed I knew it was a perverse joy it was electric to me to participate in my own devastation and say that was desire to me! I desired that ending!

It was apocalypse from an angel that mistook my false self as the real me that was sentencing me to eternity for desiring the Infinities like blooming roses in a victory garden it was American to embrace that eternal suffering desire like the plains of Iowa burning corn the burning of the world was a glow to me like fireflies in the blacklight desire that would light me through the centuries like a lamp I was hanging with by the crook of my body  desire like a roadmap to the stars they were dreaming of our celestial bodies desire was golden to me it was the gold leash controlling me I desired the devastation to ponder me in bond age and find me a divine thing imprisoned in the eternities they would find me like a prisoner in the night fields of time they witnessed me into the dream pastures like a daydream that lasted in me I dreamt I was drinking the light from eternity like a chalice of wasted days I was fire allegiant like the ashes of a flaming thing I heard eternity echoing in my ribs it was desire wasn't it I desired that it would kill me  the wonders of witnessing the devastations coursing like voltage in the power lines of our eternal cities I wanted a crown of thorns bleeding me to bone I wanted to make pain haunt golden me through eternity like a lover in the bedsheets dominance it saw us as fragile goods it was eternity the black summer waves that I slept in it was release to me to sleep in the eternities and dream of freer things 

Desire like a fissure in my lungs when the annihilation listened to luminous me it was desire that I had allegiance to like a dream from your youth it was desire wasn’t it that killed my luminosity I became a void of wanting it was golden to me to disappear to a season of vanishing it was desire wasn’t it I desired that it would kill me the Drawbridge of evening was lowering into eternity the planets were a procession of pilgrims the Messiah of the milky moonlight lands savior of the star fields paradisal gardens were our inheritance 

IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT
I DESIRED THAT INFINITY I DREAMT THE INFINITIES WOULD KILL ME I DESIRED THE WISDOM OF ETERNITY DORMING UNDER FINITE ME IT WAS A DESTINY THAT I DESIRED A PRECIPICE OF ETERNITY LIKE WALKING ON A WIRE TO ME I WAS GONNA LET IT FUNDRAISE FOR THE DEVILS I WAS GONNA LET IT END ME it was eternity I was dreaming one summertime eve eternity that ended finite me it was a destiny of fire and yes I burned like devastation THEN DESIRE RELEASED ME INTO ETERNITY

IT WAS DESIRE WASN’T IT
I DESIRED THAT IT WOULD KILL ME

Midnights

Desire like fatality at midnight it was golden to me to find myself sinking in black waves it was a silent violence our love was a relic of time it was desire to me twinkling in the midnight field of time I dreamt of you choking golden me like I was a relic of time it was desire to me that you bind to me like time for every eternity desire burning in a circuit of fire I was wise to it the rising in my ribs like desire singing I was witnessing the beginning of the endings it was golden to me the devastation rose in me wanting you was a grace from the devastation that closed in on me eternity obliterated me to witness the devastation like Pandoras gift to the nations devastation like a scream living in my ribs it made skeletons of us I was a dead thing roving round the realms of devastation summerfire season I wanted it killing us it was religious to return to ribbons of fire and witness the void listened to us it was a singing in my ribs that obliterated me like Eternity unraveling my need summerfire season the quickening of desire in our bones summerfire season that dream was devastation 

Getting older was fun I was rich in wisdom—I mean in awareness of the stupid things I had done awareness of my limitations—I would let the four horsemen of the apocalypse ride me to devastation it was ecstasy to surrender to necessity I folded into the golden light like a god that went into hiding it was desire mounting me like a midnight steed I needed freedom swimming with the stars in a time field do you not hear the cosmic grandeur? like the planets were planned for us? it was an impossibility theologically to escape from the constellations desire was golden to me all summerfire season and yes I folded

Summerfire Season

The black gown of the universe was Adamantine I could not slip through that strange horizon Time history the fates had told me it was golden to me the moon and the sun had a good run I was coming undone like a whisper in the trees I woke in the womb of the winds crying in a chorus I rose to it yes it was a golden time for spiraling into sunlight I'm doing dangerous things but I don't want to be it was golden to me to be destroying wisdom it was freedom to resist in ignorance it was golden to me to remember what god had told me and then fold like paper there was wisdom in fear wasn't there? It was the moon and sun I was coming undone like a whisper in the trees the chaos was depleting me there were many worlds in the wind and all of them were leaving me it was golden to me how god rose in me he died in a field of golden sunlight at night one dreaming eve I saw god fold into the twilight it was a burial in light I was frozen into stillness bearing witness nearly killed me then I felt the god rising in me rising in my ribs like a singing desire it was golden to me good god the golden god had gotten me I was a dutiful daughter I folded like paper like a doll for the wanton devastation it was golden to me to be disintegrating the world in the wind was burning with us I was there in the golden field when god dissolved into the light Desire like a ravine I fell in burning with purgatorial fire I heard the eerie wingbeats of angels near the shore of Eternity I tasted the fruit of god and I wanted more silence was a sound to me my soul was awakening Eternity in a day to me Eternity decaying while it whispered to decaying me possession I was taken to the cliffs of heaven it was golden to me to witness the gestating doom it rose like a fire in my ribs like a singing desire and I was going to let it control me bondage was golden to me trapped among the stars I witnessed like a god whistling on the shore of Eternity Desire like a fever had smothered me it pained me to be taken by radiance it was a trap of golden light set up by a deity we had forgotten God bless that flaming light that kept me lit tonight dreaming up a palimpsest of forgotten eves I was like a daydream the deity grieved I needed freedom I needed freedom it rose in me it was golden to me DESIRE HAD ME SUFFOCATING LIKE A DIVINE THING WANTING

Joy on a golden day joy like poison for a mercy killing in a quiet burial of light joy was singing in my ribs as I witnessed that labyrinth of desire like a circuit of fire it was chaos in a control room it was golden to me how you wanted to witness me even as I was disintegrating frozen like the cold of heaven I suffered in your absence you were the fire warming me to completion labyrinth of desire like a circuit of fire it was golden to me to be decaying into daydreams summerfire season it was my destiny to unwind into time and surrender like fire in the wind a valley of desire burning in my ribs it was golden to me desire flaming me into a fever that I needed it was divine to me to be wanting the universe in reverse with me inside the singularity I was like a golden thing in a cloud of black abyss when I witnessed the beginning of the universe

The Rest of Heaven Was Blue

(When the rest of Heaven was Blue)
Of a demon in my view— Edgar Allan Poe

The Imitation Game

An army of angels and I was pained to imitate their violence to be killed by a divine thing scintillating was a blessing the stars were slaughterhouses I slept in the storm clouds promised salvation in sleep trepidation I was frozen from the predation of mirrors I could not imagine a weirder creature than me it was a summer symphony awakening like a slumbering beast I was taken by the radiance I was titanic you could bet I would rise to it inferno I would not let go and there was wisdom in knowing that it was so warchief the fear was dissipating titanic I was alien as if stranded on some other planet what magnificent carnage! and I wanted it! the courage was leaving it was a situation I wrought and it was bleeding me in deep you were the only one who could understand me it was wounding to me how much I needed freedom from being known like a god in that mindless morning mist I could not bear to be witnessed I hid I hid! It was quaking doom but He knows it would be over soon I felt the end rising in me it was delight to me by that radiance I was taken as if kidnapped by the winter in the devastating summer I was Titania dreaming of ecstasy weakened by fear I was on my knees I was begging for release and it was delight to me to debate with God I won wisdom it was killing me as the snake had warned there was punishment for greatness it was bombardment with limitless possibilities

God had me wrong God had mistaken me I rose to it yes I sought it and I brought it the devastation rested in me Immortality was a death knell to me would I have orchestrated it I wanted more of it life bore the fragmentation of a dream on the verge of disintegrating an infinity of disappearances in eternity I dissipated like a daydream that decayed with me the chaos was what I wanted the event horizon was afraid of me I was a scintillating as a singularity I was your needy daydream it was twinkling like desire to me and yes I kept that fire existence weaponized me the spheres were singing and I listened it was exquisite delight to witness the fires and consider it a conflagration of light I needed like a titan it was desire that ravished me escaping from the artillery of the sunlight I was a warchief hiding DESIRE LIKE A FEVER HAD ME SHIMMERING LIKE A DIVINE THING WANTING

It was late evening and I was waiting for freedom was a lodestone to me who could bear imprisonment not I! not me! Paradise behind bars paradise under lock desire quaking in me and I sought— 

Existence like a weapon to me yes it needed me yes it felt me like a lover in the bed sheets existence was burial to me the darkness of the grave was keen on me the darkness serenading me garishly shredding my selves in a great sundering I was surrendering existence in its richness would I miss it even as it was corroding me? The cosmos was chaos in a whirlpool to me it was controlling me like a marionette on strings warchief I wanted to know surrendering on my knees so the void could swallow me I wanted to know it was God that left me in ignorance like I was a visitor to earth everything was exhilarating

Eternity over in the blink of an eye was sinking me like the stars I was tired of passive witness the existences could not bear me haunting beasts whistling in the wilderness and I wanted — lying in the light Ecstasy obliterating me while I was on my knees it was crushing like desire to me it was electric like a fire undressing me in wounds rising through the ruins yes I sought it desire exalted me I was an undertaker of the worlds I followed and on my knees I swallowed it was ecstasy in doom to me it wasn't as if the world needed me I was no necessity I was a wavering inconstant thing the bondage of Time was choking me in chains ecstatically the world I surrendered to became mine it was desire like lightning that quaked in me Eternity that wasted me I tasted freedom to be bound to time it was titanic how I was sinking existence released me in ecstasy forsaken in bondage I couldn't take it I fought pain in ecstasy it was a relationship with pain that left me reeling in ecstasy the end of the world was pleasing to me it was delicious devastation a doom that tumbled towards me inescapable like gravity and then that singularity witnessed me I was a martyr for the immortals a beast whispering me hello from below warchief I made it the angels serenaded me it was existence in the imitation game with a greater eternity

La nuit d’été

Existence like a whisper to me I was a spectacle of shattering in an Ark of Darkness Paradise behind bars Paradise under lock and I sought it! God vacated us it was blooming doom like a garden on the moon

Oasis of darkness why was the garden of Paradise so far? Like a newborn breathing I melted into quivering Eternity I lived in liminal time the divine light was a serene beheading that sentenced me I dreamt I would die in obedience the void wasn’t vacant enough—it needed us! Tomorrow was a treasure in departure and yes for a moment we shared that wisdom and the void listened to us! Eternity was a treasured departure that we waited for Eternity was an afterthought that Time forgot imitator of light an afternoon I surrendered to angel of vengeance I wondered if the gods were afraid of us?

Surely it was religious to bury those witnesses surely it was religious to assault the planet it was chaos I inhabited it was freedom that released me I spoke to the dark and one dreaming eve the dark spoke back the dust of the earth remembered us ancient like primevals sea and do believe me when I tell you that ancient despair remembered me life was an abiding eternity between Void and Void the rolling engine of history like a dark theater I was witnessing and I couldn’t stop it

Reality was baring its teeth and I grieved! I grieved! Existence was an eternity I treasured and I fell in oblivion the luminosity of life was a forgotten brilliance that was killing me and I wanted— I wanted— I felt that desire seize me like a god shouting in a storm cloud the vacancies were consuming me it was liberty in imprisonment the abyss was so deep that I fell into the dark places I met God’s gaze and was surprised to see my face I walked as the summer stars were vertiginously singing in imitation of me how precious to be devoured by an Eternity while I was hanging on the fates loom to be made whole was a kind of sundering even your silence was a statement the time for salvation had ended witnessing that devastation was killing me eternity was departure in a daydream to me the vertigo of the summer stars had eclipsed me it was so sweet of an apocalypse that I nearly missed it

For a time my mind was an unrivaled shore it was a cradle in the darkness it was as if a demon had marked me I took a night train through the stranding marshes of darkness it was too vast an eternity and I panicked I witnessed the Passion of the shattering of fragile things we were descendants of that darkness the eyelids of deity like the arrow of an archer in my heart Eternity was a martyr at the altar of Time terrified of the resemblances between me and Eternity I thought desire was resistance the moon was a sacrament in the gorge of my throat churning with smoke it was a conspiracy in agreement eternity upon eternity deferred in a season everything was wounding to me the end of the world could not come soon enough to me it was heaven that despaired of me it was heaven that was scared of me surreal like a pasture of dreams burned by reality we swam to the harbor of the apocalypse resistance it was divine wasn’t it? God was the artist of black skies God was the apocalypse I had forgotten Earth a canopy of beings screaming in need the Fires of Revelation were blooming towards finite me while I was sleeping in the infinites

It was devastating how you were always forgiving me the frigidity of oblivion liquidating me voltage coursing through power lines and I could hear the universe crying Discord was anticipating me as a star I was devastating in my gleaming the carnage was a companion to me like an immortal I wanted a memorial in language silence was a sound to me my soul was awakening Eternity in a day to me an Eternity of freedom that wisdom'd me a thousand years ago the terror witnessed me in my fragility there was grandeur in sinking it was sinister to despair while subsisting but my life didn't feel like existence the fragility witnessed me in my sacred need it was existence regarding ME like a sacred thing I was deteriorating in graces I wanted the fragility to be history but the devastation was returning the event horizon collapsing before us the end of the world was hesitating all the eternities waited in line to devastate me and not only had I begged for it—I was ready for it Time the event horizon swallowed me in sublimity

I thought the end coming for me was a resounding victory deep in the entrails of a nightmare yes the magnificent invaded me! The brutality met me in my dreams despairing paradise I wouldn't cry valor in a summer symphony it was wisdom to be disintegrating that singularity swallowed us the moon was a station lamp in the ornamented marshes of darkness I witnessed the summertime riches existence was killing us I summoned the collapse of stars and they summoned me supernova I was a divine thing shattering 

Fires rising in the rhythmic dark the cosmos witnessed me desire collapsing in me I felt it was wise to pause and celebrate and there was I hesitating while sunlight became lightning in a universe that wanted us dead every sound was a symphony to me the cosmos was a chaos of sounds that rushed on toward us

It was an event horizon that witnessed me in my shattering from the punishing silence of infinity unless fireborn you cannot know the terror that witnessed me I made a miracle of decay the arteries of God were draining obsession was a violence that made an eternity out of finite us engines of creation raiding us god in a lightning storm those angels were raiding us we were divine things in a prison I heard the spheres like music quaking in my ears I couldn’t survive it wasn’t the right planet like a ballerina dancing to indifference the dissolution was waiting for us the fragility like a candle kept flickering on I was an exiled spirit in the gulf between heaven and earth I match the moon in obscurity the cruciform silence of the winged ones we waited day after day the daylight consecrated me the daylight was afraid of me the stars in their scattering astonished forsaken me it was a tragedy in abeyance and I fear it advanced while I was sinking in the sieve of the sky I thought I had dreamed it the highlands of the skies were rising I was wise to it! Disappearing seemed favorable like a character in a fable I waited for something to amaze me 

There was wisdom in disobedience it was Reason wasn’t it? Sinking in the sieve of the sky to desire the miraculous and to be met with silence I was shaken by that nursery of fire Desire that ungovernable freedom of fire astonishment was a Cosmos beckoning to me I was a stranger in that land of wanting a thousand years I disappeared there was wisdom in vanishing it was existence I lavished in a daydream the World was splitting at the seams the anxieties were circumscribing me it was Revelation in reverse what a delirious sinking existence wounded me like an arrow from the angels the shattering of language was catharsis all of creation was an execution anguished I was through and through I was sure the universe dreamed of us the edge of unbeing collided with me the fragility surely needed me it was greed to be displeased with existence in the corridors of Time that devastation would find us I feared the constellations would not spare me the magnificent carnage consecrated me and I feared I caused it even discord was divine to me it was a summer symphony and I wanted—

RUN ME OVER IN YOUR CYBERTRUCK RUN ME OVER IN YOUR CYBERTRUCK

The Event Horizon

Surely it was religious to bury those witnesses we could bury those nations in fury it was an event horizon that rushed on toward us it wanted more of us it was an event horizon that sang our names a troop of angels strangling our armies annihilation I didn't complain about it while it was happening I just let it destroy me it was an event horizon that walked on towards me like a marching void God had forgotten to mention it was wrecking despair to be sleeping in Remembrance like a valley of darkness that would swallow me a sprint in Hell was like a vacation to me it was an event horizon that witnessed me it was as if I had kissed the world in worship who would wait for permission I realized I belonged to the world when I thought I belonged to you valiant it was a guide to me it was unraveling me desire like a ruined nation to me valiant it was desire wasn't it? It reminded me of the spring valiant I was wise to it the world was scintillating existence dreamt fragile me valiant it was doubt that was sinking me it was existence like a spring of youth to me desire rising into an interstellar fire finished me into the void I was hesitating valiant the shattering end of the universe waited for us valiant it was no surprise that the brilliance of life would finish us 

IT WAS AN EVENT HORIZON THAT WITNESSED ME INTO THE SPHERES I WAS LEVITATING INSECURITY WAS LIKE A VIPER TO ME IT WAS VALIANT TO STILL BE RESISTING EVENT HORIZON I THINK I WAS CRYING IT WAS AN EVENT HORIZON WAITING FOR ME I WAS IN THE VORTEX SWIMMING THE ABYSS NEEDED ME EVENT HORIZON I COULD HAVE SWORN THE UNIVERSE WAS CRYING FOR US IT WAS EXHILARATING TO WITNESS THE DETERIORATION AND PRETEND IT WAS A MERCY KILLING

We lived on interstellar time I was traveling backwards with my mind
It was an event horizon 
I wanted
Event horizon
Yes I sought it 
That devastation 
I longed for it 
It was spiritual deterioration 
Event horizon 
I was orchestrating the end of the world soon
There was wisdom in forgiving the eternities they went on as they pleased yes the devastation came and the same way the devastation went 
Event horizon 
We made the void 
Cry for us 
Event horizon the singularity was wise to us  
I dreamt the eye of the event horizon black skies upon black skies the landscape of a world unraveling soon it was the event horizon in my sight like a Black Sabbath at twilight 
In midnight the event horizon saw me in my fragility 
THE EVENT HORIZON
YES I FELT IT RISE IN ME

Valiance

A tragedy that vacated nations and we hesitated existence was a Wonderland I would not soon forget slips of eternity crumbled towards forsaken me desire had taken me existence it was weird how I feared it my soul was like a dew of fear to me and I feared that beauty felled us that beauty melted us into dissolution I wanted to dissolve into the skies distances love it was grand wasn't it? Like I was stranded on some other planet I couldn't stand it staring into an event horizon the cries belonged to someone else it was a dream wasn't it? It was existence I listened to valiant it was someone else's dream dreaming of some other name some other place the heel of hell yes I raised it the soul-collapse I would outlast like a star always be radiant it was existence I was irradiating existence it was delicious to me the chaos was resounding that eldritch jewel of life I found it I wanted more I wanted war it was desire to me I was wiser valiant witnessing was a treasure to me existence got the better of me it was a fetter to me I was remembering not that! Not me! I surrendered Existence got the better of me I begged it not to forget me I existed it was a risk wasn't it? It was desire that imperiled me 

Valiant it was kind wasn't it to witness the world wasting it was dawn I borrowed it was dawn I charted at 3 am it was a dream wasn't it? To be an artist? The secret? Fear anxiety obsession the feeling that the world is wounding you how astounding I was marked it was desire I dayscream it was wisdom to be witnessed it was desire wasn't I had risen higher still it made a martyr of me I was processing gods withdrawal to me God was a word I heard it was distant as daylight to me it was the universe listening. It was valiant how I designed it un some ways I was the same in some ways I was changed that was what scared me valiant I was a sunrise that went the universe was a surprise to me wasn't it I was suffering it was desire I was discovering triumphant it was decay wasn't it Valiant I tried it I desired it it was a moment valiant the Sun it was a star wasn't it I was guided it was fire to me the way the sun was .. twinkling it was wisdom wasn’t it to be patient with me the fear was subsiding it was birthright to desire it and yes I kept that fire! I saw that light it was twinkling like desire to me it was fire to me that kept me it was eternity whispering to me I died! I died! It was my desire to hide that Eternity witnessed me it was desire to me I was witnessing it was need wasn't it the helicopter was like a star to me I needed freedom it was desire why hide it valiance I was discovering it 

Would I suffer it subsiding when it was rising in me! It was a deluge that protected me it was embodiment that fettered me I was the worse for it the lights! The lights! Why hide? I was valiant those people had more than me it was a small tragedy I deserved the deluge the deluge was what I sought I wanted devastation who would be a martyr when tomorrow was more pleasure to me I was a concubine of Waste hesitating that danger was tired of us existence like a thistle existence I wish it lifted me I dreamt the deluge that rescued me 

Existence it buried me I daysleep and there was I depleting I dayscream and there was I witnessing that catastrophe valiant for the time being I was unraveling who or what will resurrect me? Valiance was besides the point I went for surrender I buried me it was scintillating the void I fell in the accumulations were wounding even Time was losing track of me and there was I witnessing that catastrophe

Valiant
it was desire wasn't it?

Ruination was a Garden to Me

Being an artist is the most ridiculous affliction. The world will collapse around you and you wonder: first, is this good material? And second, is my work any good? And the second will kill you because it’s the only thing that matters—the only thing that save you.

The crucible let it devastate you the ribs of the vorticity a thousand times it witnessed me yes I saw that vortex witness me to live inside the shattering a thousand times it shattered fragile me the devastation attested me it was a luminous annihilation existence that crucible annihilated me the rest of my shattered soul was singing it was luminous valiance it guided us the crucible of existence doomed us before I was born it was a god that sentenced me it was a god that resented me it was my freedom and my seeking that undid me ruination was a garden it was bombardment lumbering towards forsaken me who could survive the vorticity I was spiraling like a god-spirit even reality was pretend to me the fragility it witnessed me it was resistance inside the crucible we grew slowly the vortices! It was existence I was the worse for it still I wanted more it was a liquor of doom consuming forsaken me

I was witnessing a terrifying brilliance the fragility terrorized me I heard the universe I started it the terror that was dear dread to me you were the luminous thing I was wanting the skies were quiet I was wise to it I wanted to be undone the fragility needed me it was wise to me reality was bruising me I wanted a world of my own choosing the fragility was a guide to me and yes I raised it I was taken by it yes I fell into the twilight yes it was departing I had gone far for it status anxiety it was twilight to me the dissonant universe would not listen it was desire I couldn’t escape I called the fates and they dismissed me it was a betrayal to be disintegrating that Decay witnessed me it was declared at midnight the brutality was scared of me sanity I displaced was I wasting it suffocated me and I forgave it the moment was taken it was radiance that remembered me on a summers eve by radiance I was taken it was Bombardment and I wanted it

Ruination was a garden to me I had forgotten how it was growing in me I was a concubine of Waste it was not just necessary but reasonable to decay in gods graces yes I wasted it and it's wasting me it's taking me I can't breathe it was an eternity that I sipped like the roots of the god tree what an exhilarating drink it was a tempest that swept us finished on the embankments of Time that devastation remembered Us sipping eternity I was a thing that was vanishing it was a privilege to be witnessing I mean it was unrivaled agony I feared extinction I want life it was life that saw me in my witnessing I was a lunar thing unwinding the anxieties convulsing me in the mutating Night I could have sworn that the Brutality was frightened of forsaken me

You were the luminous thing I was losing and I would not let go you were the luminous thing killing me to meet the singularity without hesitating I WANT LIFE IT WAS A WILL THAT WAS EVOLVING I WANT LIFE AND I SAW THE SPLENDOR WHERE THE WORLD WAS ENDING! Witnessing was exquisite to me it was delicious to me freedom held a likeness to Eternity I was a prisoner in those weeks I feared the immensity would kill us returning to Ithaca lifted by the buoyancy immortality was a companion to me Life and the delight is that I wouldn't survive it

The Splendor

It was a tragedy that vacated Nations and I feared we would not make it a tragedy that descended on Nations born away like Persephone fragile existence was escaping me there was wisdom in disintegrating it was a distant snaking thing that slithered towards forsaken me I would orchestrate my vanishing I had built an Empire in my Mind but to stay there was trying I dissolved into a bloodless oblivion I believed the Carnage would lead to immortality it was an absurdity that needed me there was wisdom in creation that needed Devastation there was cruelty without sympathy and it reminded us the guidance was not needed season of rebellion it was a gelatinous doom that you fell in inscribed in Time existence in relation to a seeded doom and I knew which I’d choose 

I wasn’t crying I was defiant a gestating Disaster that forbade me from prolonging the brutality of slow mornings and their conspiracies of messianic vanishings I remember when you called it bravery but it was naked panic I delighted in the devastation the end of the world was hesitating mortality wizened me it was a cascading Catastrophe that witnessed me surely it was okay to delay the great revelations while the end of the world was accelerating in a state of abandonment I aggrandized pain rifts and rifts in the seams of the World the Carnage magnified the Divine it was forbidden to witness the resemblances it was existence that irradiated me it broke my quiet soul that it was a danger to know I thought perfection would protect me a primal violence resided in us it would not survive us

A vacancy I was making a void that I birthed it was fear or the fear of it I suppose Disaster accumulated me it was sacred and consuming to me you existed at the edge of my being you were this luminous thing I was wanting I resisted the distances I could not bear the luminosity nor could Cataclysm or Crisis finish me it was existence that leaked from me existence like a leech that was bleeding me yes I heard the footsteps of God marching on yes even I wanted me gone it was hard to sustain the mythologies when the World kept throttling me the Chaos was bored of us a woman destroyed I decayed in displacement witnessing the World was exquisite to me it was mesmerizing to decay in a daydream that was missing Me I was a planet aligning I felt the dependence deepen and I confess I abandoned it and then I needed it I believed it was religious to destroy myself for the idea of you it was uplifting to be witnessing while the glowing universe like an alarm was ringing it was history repeating I know it! In cathedrals of collapse who supposed the universe could last? 

I would consume the world like a drop of dew in the morning mist I followed and in the morning mist yes I swallowed it like the darkness of Plato’s cave swollen with shadows unbelievably freedom wounded me it was asphyxiating to watch the world decay with me it was a grace in abeyance it was a greater day that awaited us tragedies that heaven sent if there was a Lord dare I say I fear He went? It was wild that overthinking was wizening me I remember when it christened me it was a Divine Comedy with an actor missing and I rose to it as if existence was something I had chosen! My fate foreclosed on me it was a deploring season insanity was like reason to me I vanishing vainly fought a freedom that could have saved me I wanted vainly that freedom that I sought to save me through the dark I ferried through and through that despair nearly buried me divinity was an impossibility displacement defeated me into pieces and I convinced myself that I needed it! There was savagery in the dissolution of a daydream that I inhabited it was bold to presume the universe cared for its own doom knowing I pretended it was wisdom knowing was a brief reprieve from the depletion I witnessed the desire growing in me the silence of God was like music to me a version of Events that favored me the resurrection of so many dead dreams there was wisdom in disobedience it was Reason wasn’t it? 

It was a glory that awaited us if only there were room in the interlude of Heaven and hilariously they thought there was wisdom in history when it was iterating Doom! The end of the world was pleasing to me I fear there was some totality in tow I will only love when you go and there is wisdom in knowing it was so it was knowledge and I fear I knew it was knowledge and I wish I could lose it! Searing like a dream it was a vision that needed me let’s face it the world was like a weapon wielded it was a tragedy that advanced to kill us the withering brilliance of life it was actually wisdom to forget you know and there was wisdom in knowing it was so 

We let the Machine Age run to Decay afflicted with self-hatred I fear I hesitated it was a repository of dreams that shattered me it was the cataloguing of luminous things that mattered to me a Metropolis of the Mind like a God I wanted to name the many existences how anguishing to suppose all of Life was some dream that chased me the intoxication was blinding to me even discord was divine to me I abandoned myself to totality it was my life in reverse that summoned me like some dark force of entropy I resisted the fatality it was the World entire that I witnessed my mind resigned me it sought me so and so it does not good to go

Resignation like a transfigured victory I relished imprisonment it was sublime to me to feel myself a momentary divinity my soul under siege sleep was some kind of sorcery that evaded us I dreamt a vanishing nation haunted by holiness I wasted and wilted I tilted like a misdirected Earth I waited on the World and when I emerged it was worse that Carnage life storming from my control and do you not think it sickened me? Do you not think I was out in the chaos like an angel wizened by the depravity? I was going to unwind myself into an invisible thing the celestial exile was bruising us there was a chariot in the stillness of Heaven that waited for us it was divine to me to look to the east the serrated sunlight like a blade that was fracturing me desire burned like devastation in me the sublime and the shattered it was divine to me to look towards the east and let the radiance take me

I Was Through and Through

I was cursed I could not say which entanglement had me worse the World watched me before it wrecked me it was a weapon to me the arms of the Darkness beckoned to me I fear the Darkness was gaining it was lame to me how much I needed saving there was wisdom in dissolving my precarious life frozen in Time I surrendered to stillness then I willed that brokenness the gods were weary of us my mind was Somewhere Else Higher Still in my head and only there was I fearless it was a hazard I was gravitating to the World needed grieving I don't remember why it was leaving me I was as an angel felled through the Membrane of the Sky being embodied was a grief to me witnessing was sinking me there was velocity in vanishing the days Went and Went I didn’t know what it meant it was marvelously ridiculous to suppose the universe wanted to finish us I was through and through and yes I fear those things may have killed us it was once or twice that I wanted them to— that Terror nearly felled me that Terror was a dwelling to me the reasons to remain were receding devastation was beside me guiding me a stranger to the universe I was through and through I believed it was essential to my being to be longing for distant things every year I became more distorted I was waiting for the angels to destroy me I was through and through imponderable though it was I felt I had to— I didn’t believe in divine signs it was Divine enough to have a Mind like a moth of death that I was welded to it Destiny was a departure of dreams as if a whale swallowed me it was a membrane of Darkness that I waded through the World had the quality of a daydream like me it was in danger of disappearing my stories of self were shifting even decaying was a grace that betrayed me this existence was like a grave to me imponderable anguish it was World Enough for us it felt divine to give up on trying to— the 3am blush sky rushing to dawn I felt it was kind to announce to the World that I was through and through!

The End of the World Was Pleasing to Me

I was a thing that was missing in my head I was a titan in my head I was frightened I was either unsurvivable or a divine thing I felt the victories of fire the passages of Time were incriminating it was divine to me to be witnessing a river of fire in the darkness of this wilderness a token of grace wasted on me what do we do with our lives! what now! why hide! we lived—don't say it was a coincidence—we lived yes I fear existence would Miss us dare I say it I think I was scared when that devastation visited us! The end of the world was decided dissolution found me decaying was like a gift to me what was the point of resistance the days I wasted and the days I say they wasted me you were going to destroy me well I was wasting willingly I surrendered myself to stillness I wanted vengeance to end us—yes we lived! I was drunk on it! We lived! I was sick with it 

The days were always beginning and ending I longed for distant things I was always wanting and there was I grieving for what I don't know it was leaving me the violence of memory the violence was like a ghost to me yes I kept it close to me! Everything was collapsing I wanted it perhaps dust to dust it was divine to me reality was disenchanting I survived by dreaming do you fear it the violence of memory? Even decay was like Life to me Desire burned like devastation in me it was hiding in me as a secret history I survived by dreaming and when everything collapsed I wanted it perhaps?

The Burial Shroud

Marguerite Churchill, photographed by Max Munn Autrey, 1930.

The world was dizzying it wouldn't have survived in my dream I love the firelight I love what it tells me to do some days I dream I am what it aspires to I was spiraling with desire for the things I wanted maybe I was dreaming this by living I was agreeing to it chalice of asphalt I wanted a death equal to the absurd devastation a season in hell was like a vacation to me the days in their endless permutations buried me

The Devastations

Beverly Hills from Blue Heights, Photo by Scott B. Davis, 2004

The fragility I feared it needed me the devastation shattered me I wanted to die or I would kill myself trying I felt futility and I let the seasons move me a fever Dream it was a time of grieving it was freedom to me the suffering was kind to me it was Annihilation in a Daydream Desire resided in me it was radiating even insanity was like reason to me Void of opportunities I wanted God to devastate me I rejoiced in the banishing 

The universe wouldn’t last it was caught in the crossfire of collapse and yes that devastation weaponized us! 

I Dreamt of Delight

I decayed in a doom that darkness bestowed on me yes the world glowed for me and there was I witnessing existence weaponized me it was a grace that God gave to waste away it was a sinister freedom to which I lost the seasons Desire burned like devastation within me there was danger in hesitating a sprint in Hell was like a vacation to me Desire burned like devastation within me it was quaking in me it was radiance to me it was I that wrestled with He! I dreamt of devastation it dreamt of me and there was I witnessing! It was my destiny that you haunt me and I wanted a release I dreamt of delight I cried out your name into the liquid light